Gone
by Cryann
Summary: After another brutal beating, Ste leaves hollyoaks
1. Chapter 1

Ste's POV

I run, as fast as I can.

I can't believe I have let him do this to me again. I know that I have blood streaming down my face and people are staring. But I don't stop, I can't. I think back to how I got into this mess again.

* * *

><p>"Listen to me", he say's eyes bulging.<p>

"I'm done listening to you Brendan, you are a liar and I want nothing to do with you". I say as I walk towards the office door. He grabs my arm tightly and turns me back towards him again. I can feel the heat of he breath on my face. He is so close to me that I can't help but want to kiss him. He is beautiful and terrifying. But his lies turn me off. I remember how he promised this time would be different, that we would be a proper couple. LIES.

"Ye just have to let me figure this out Stephan, Declan can't know about us." He whisper's as he looks at me intently and I feel my resolve crumble a little. But I will not go through this again. After everything, I am stronger than this and I begin to struggle at his grip. So he grips me tighter.

"Let me go Brendan" I say, I am done being his secret and I just want to get out of that office and start my new life, without Brendan Brady.

"Why are ye being so difficult, Stephen, I just need more time. We need to figure out what we are going to do while Declan is here" He say's pleading with me. I can tell that he is being sincere, but I just don't care anymore. I can't give him anymore time. I need to get out of this office before I cave. I only know one way to get him off me.

"Brendan, you disgust me, do you know that." I say words that I know will hurt, I just want him to feel some of the pain he has put me through.

"I don't ever want to be near you again", LIE.

"It makes me sick how you follow me around like some love sick puppy," LIE. I love that he wants me so badly but it is sick. We are in this sick pattern and I physically and mentally can't do it anymore.

"Why would I want to ever be with a self-loathing, mentally deranged fairy?" That was the clincher. His eyes widen and it is then that I know I have said too much. He lets go of my arm and watches me for a few seconds. I see what I think is sadness in his eyes, but then I see the anger. No not anger, Rage. Before I can move, he punches me in the face. And as I go down to the floor, I know that this beating is going to be unlike any other beating I have had before. I brace myself for what is coming. He is kicking me over and over and I feel the pain in my ribs. He is going to break some of them today. I hear him scream, "I'm ain't no fucking fairy." He leans over me and punches me in the face again and again. I use my hands to block his punches but I feel my finger snap and remove my hands from my face. He keeps punching, until he finally just stops. I have no idea why; I thought that he might possibly kill me. I didn't realize I was sobbing but I could feel myself searching for air. I didn't move, I just cried and then I hear him say, "This isn't what it looks like." What does he mean by that? I look up to see Declan staring at the two of us, wide-eyed and scared. I take this opportunity to hobble past them both and RUN.

* * *

><p>I run as fast as I can back to the council estates, when I am inside behind locked doors, I begin to unravel. I have to get away from Brendan. Now more then ever, I know that he is crazy and if Declan hadn't of walked in, he might have killed me. I search for an answer. Avoid him, that will never work, he will never let me go. Go to the police, I can't, I can't sit there on trial with him staring back at me, NO. Leave, pack my bags and never look back. I opt for leaving. I grab my luggage and throw clothes in it. I don't have time to sort anything out. He could be coming here right now and I do not want to be here when he does. In my frenzy of grabbing clothes, I realize that I must look a state right now, so I change my clothes and wash my face. I am aware that I have a broken finger and possibly some broken ribs but I bite through the pain because I can't be here when Brendan comes looking for me and he always comes looking for me. I look around my house one last time. I see the kid toys and feel and ache in my chest. I don't know if I can leave them but for their safety I have to. I now know Brendan will never stop hurting me and that he is capable of anything to keep his secret. My kids will miss me but they can't know where I am. It is safer that way. I write Amy a letter and place it on the table. I take some aspirin and head for the train station.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Brendan's POV**

I look at my bloody hands and then at my son. I can see the fear in his eyes**. **I don't know how this happened.

* * *

><p>"Listen to me" I say. I just need him to hear me out. I know if I can just get him to listen he will understand.<p>

"I'm done listening to you Brendan, you are a liar and I want nothing to do with you". He say's, his words sting. I grip his arm tightly as he is about to leave and head towards the door. He struggles a bit and I grip tighter, I lean in close so that he can feel my breath. He can't leave. I know I am a liar but I want to change. Doesn't he understand that we can't play happy couple in front of my kid? We just need to lay low for a little bit, just until Declan is gone.

"Ye just have to let me figure this out Stephan, Declan can't know about us." I feel like I am being reasonable, but I can see the anger building in his face.

"Let me go Brendan," but I can't let go. I know that if I let him go, he will go back to hating me. I can't have that. I have to keep him here. These last few months without him have been excruciating and I can't lose him again.

"Why are ye being so difficult, Stephen, I just need more time. We need to figure out what we are going to do while Declan is here," I hope that my words calm him down. Surely he understands.

"Brendan, you disgust me, do you know that." He says. WOW, I didn't see that coming. I am taken aback by his words. He doesn't mean it, he is just angry.

"I don't ever want to be near you again", I let him say these things because I know that I deserve them. After everything I have put him through, after all of the promises I made, here I am telling him that I need more time.

"It makes me sick how you follow me around like some love sick puppy," he's getting braver with his words now. I eye him carefully I can't lose control. I breathe in and out to hold in my anger at his words. But then he say's the one thing that makes me see red.

"Why would I want to ever be with a self-loathing, mentally deranged fairy," and with that I snap. I let go of his arm and stare at him. I can't control what comes next. I punch and kick and punch again. I scream at him "I ain't no fucking fairy" In my furry, I barely notice my son come into the office. But when I see him standing there I panic.

"This isn't what it looks like," I say. Oh really, than what is it. Clearly it is what it looks like. I just beat the shit out of Stephen, AGAIN.

* * *

><p>I see Stephan run past the both of us. I want to grab him, hold him, kiss him and tell him how sorry I am. But I can't move, I just stare at my son, who looks like he is about to cry.<p>

"Dad, what's going on, why did you beat up Stephan?" That's a good question, why did I? Because he called me a fairy, what does that really matter, everyone pretty much knows anyway. Because he called me mentally deranged. No, it was because he was going to leave me again. And his words however true they were, was like him saying goodbye and I could not take it. So I let my anger get the better of me and I used my fists. I couldn't let him go, so I beat him, and now he's gone. I am sick, I know. I have to go and find him. I have to beg his forgiveness. He always forgives me in the end anyway. Maybe I'll just give him some time. Surely he's still angry with me and swollen. I will give it a few days and then go searching for him. I'm sure I can even make him apologize for the whole thing. Ha, yeah this is Stephan's fault. He makes me do this to him.

"Stephan and I just had a misunderstanding Declan, everything will be alright." And I really thought it would be. I will give him enough time to calm down, and then we can be together again.

* * *

><p>Two days later I make my way over to Stephan's. He did not show up to work the past couple of days and I can't stand not seeing him, so I am going to drag him back to work, whether he likes it or not. I know that he is going to be a little black and blue and probably still angry with me but I will show him how sorry I am. He can't resist me and I clearly can't resist him.<p>

I knock on the door. A smile appears on my face when I hear someone shuffling to answer it. I miss him and I want him back at work where he can be near me. My smile quickly disappears when I realize that it was Amy shuffling to answer the door and not Stephan. She looks at me with anger and I suppose she has seen the state of him.

"What the fuck are you doing here," she spits at me.

"I need to speak with Stephan, he hasn't shown up to work in two days and if the lad doesn't show up today he might lose his job," I say. I smile at that. I love how I have power over Stephan even when we aren't together.

"Are you kidding me Brendan," She looks on the verge of tears. This makes me uncomfortable. She goes to slam the door in my face, but I block it with my foot.

"Where is he, Amy, I want to see him," I am getting impatient now. Usually he would be yelling at me. Telling me to stay away from him but I can't even see or hear him in the background. And she is making me nervous as tears rush down her face. Where is Stephan? Why is she crying?

"I don't know where he is," she steps inside and hands me a note and then slams the door in my face.

I read it.

_Amy,_

_I have to leave town for a while. I can't tell you where I am going. Please tell the kids I love them._

_Ste_

I don't know what to think. He is gone. No, he wouldn't, this is how our situation works. He pushes me, he gets a slap and then I remind him why he is mine, cycle repeats. Gone, he can't be.

I stare down at the scribbling on the paper and realize that this is the last trace of Stephan I have. We don't have any pictures of the two of us, no song that reminds me of him, nothing that indicates that we were every together. Just this piece of paper that he wrote on, with that, I fold the paper and put it in my pocket. I'm gonna find him, no matter what it takes.

* * *

><p><strong>2 Years Later<strong>

It's been 2 years and I'm still sitting at this bar waiting for him to come home. I don't know why I stay. I hate it here. Everything about this place reminds me of him and after two years of searching for him, without avail, I have finally reached my limit.

When I left his house 2 years ago, I vowed that I would find him no matter what. But after the first six months I began to realize that he really did not want to be found. That didn't stop me though. I hired a private investigator. I just needed to know where he was, what he was doing and if he was safe. It killed me inside knowing that he left because of me. I knew that if I could just talk to him, if I could just get him to listen, that I could get him to come home. I would use any tactic I had to money, the kids, even love. I just needed to find him first.

But after every close call and every false alarm, I grew restless. I was forgetting what he looks like. That's what happens when you have no pictures of the person you…..were looking for. So one drunken night about a year ago, I banged on his door.

* * *

><p>"What do you want, Brendan," Amy said with half closed eyes. What I want is Stephan but I can't find him. So I just need to be reminded of him somehow: a picture, a shirt, a strand of hair, anything.<p>

"Have you heard from him," I say slurring. I know that she hasn't because I keep tabs on her. I have someone watching her every move just in case he contacts her.

"No Brendan and I wouldn't tell you if I had, you're the reason he's gone." Her words stab me. I AM the reason he's gone. I hate myself for what I have done. I would do anything to have him back, even just for a day. I sigh. I want to apologize to her but I can't find the words. She must sense this because she invites me inside.

"Tea?" She asks and I recall the first time we sat and had tea. I chuckle a little at the thought. "What?" She asks confused. I don't bother and tell her, she would probably get mad at me and kick me out. "Why are you here, Brendan?" She asks me frowning.

I'm here because I'm stuck, I can't move forward. I am only holding it together with the knowledge that one day he may come back. But here I am sitting in his house a year later and he still hasn't come back. On nights like this, I wonder if maybe he won't ever come back. I shake that thought away because he has to come back, I don't know if I can go on if he doesn't.

"I don't know," is all I can say to her. It is obvious why am here, why does she even ask ridiculous questions. She hands me my tea and I sip it slowly. I know when I finish it I will have to leave. I don't want to leave. I want to stay here, where I know he has been. Where I fucked him for the first time. I close my eyes. I can picture it clearly and I am right back to where it all started.

* * *

><p>"Everything okay, do ye want me to stop" I smile at this. Of course he doesn't want me to stop. I have him exactly where I want him. I press my lips to his again and kiss him slowly but deliberately. I am going to fuck him today. The thought makes me hard.<p>

I push him away from me and I can see that he is afraid of what I might do next. Little does he know that I already knew what was going to happen the minute I showed up at his door and said "Boo." I am going to make him mine, like I have made so many other blokes before him. Stephan will be another number on my list.

I take off his shirt slowly and look him over. He is quite skinny but that is how I like it. Someone I can overpower. I undo his pants and slide them down along with his boxers. I look him up and down and feel my erection pushing to be released. I pull him towards his bedroom and push him on the bed.

He is hard now and I can see that the fear of what I am going to do next turns him on. I stare at him for a moment and then climb on top of him. His erection is poking into may leg and I shiver at the touch of it.

I kiss him with more desperation now. I feel our tongues sliding against one another and can't help but purr at this. He is so fucking hot and he tastes so good. I get lost in the moment.

He begins to pull at my shirt but I slap his hands away. He does not make the rules, I do. "Turn over," I tell him.

I cannot wait any longer. There will be no foreplay this time. I want to fuck him. I want my dick in his tight little arse. I pull out of my pocket a condom and lube and begin pulling off my cloths. I can see him stroking his dick and I need to be inside him, NOW. I pull him close to me and put on the condom and lube.

I should prepare him for what is coming but I can't, I need to be inside him.

When I push inside him, I hear him gasp. I get harder knowing that I am the first person to ever do this to him. He grabs onto the bed covers and moans loudly. I can tell that it hurts him a bit. So I am gentle. For some odd reason, I want him to like it. I want him to feel as much pleasure as he is giving me. I grab his dick and stroke it. He is hard and I know that it is only a matter of time until his climax.

As I thrust harder, I begin to lose control. Usually I am so reserved during sex. I don't make a sound. But the way that Stephan is moaning makes me want to fuck him so hard he can't walk straight. I want his to remember this moment. I want him to remember that it is me making him feel this good. I moan so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors can hear us. I keep my fast, hard pace and realize that this is the end for me. "Fuck" is all I can say as I ride my orgasm and cum into his tight little arse. Not shortly after that, he cum's all over my hand.

I pull out of him and lie there for a few minutes while I catch my breath. This is the point when I should be putting on my clothes and leaving. I have done this so many times that I know the drill. But as I lie on my back, I can't help but want to be inside him again. So I make a decision, I stand up and put my clothes on.

"Going somewhere," he asks. He looks sad. I laugh at that. He thinks that this is the end of it.

"Well we can hardly stay here can we, Amy might be back." I say. No one can find us together.

"Alright, so going to the club then." He must be thick, can't he see that there is going to be a round two, that I will have him again tonight.

"We'll go to mine, Cheryl's away all night, so you wanna? I say lightly brushing the hair from his face and running my thumb down his cheek. He jumps up and puts his arms around my neck. I should throw him back on the ground for this but I can't help but smile. He is so damn cute.

* * *

><p>Amy brings me back to reality when she asks "Why are you still here?"<p>

"Because I'm not done with my tea," I say confused.

"That's not what I mean Brendan, Ste's not coming back, it's been a year, why are you still here?" It's a valid question. But I'm not ready to let go yet. I don't know if I ever will be. I can still remember vividly what he tastes like, what he smells like and how he gasps the first time I enter him. No, I'm not ready to let go of that yet. I look over at the fridge and see a picture of Stephan, not the best picture of him, but a picture nonetheless. I stand up and take it off the fridge. I can feel Amy's eyes burning in the back of my head. I just stare at the picture and my heart tightens. I need to take this picture without Amy noticing. She however can read my thoughts and say's, "Take it." With that I give her a nod and leave.

* * *

><p>So I sit at this bar 2 years later still holding that picture of Stephan, along with the note he wrote to Amy. It is all that I have left of him. I know that it is time to give up. He is not coming home.<p>

I down the rest of my whiskey and head towards the clubs door. When I am on the balcony, I look out at the town I have called home for 3 years. It is time to go.

I have nothing keeping me here, anymore.

Cheryl has moved back to Ireland after marrying some bloke back home. I sold my share of the club to Foxy, paying a private investigator has become an expensive hobby. No one here even likes me.

I stay because of him. But he's not coming back. It is time to leave. I'll go back home, be with my kids. Maybe I'll get married again to some girl and continue my extracurricular activities. He obviously doesn't give a fuck, so why should I? Why do I?

As I head for the stairs, I catch something out of the corner of my eye. It's a taxi pulling up. This is nothing out of the ordinary until I see a familiar figure get out of the taxi. I hold my breath.

It can't be. Not after all of this time.

I wait for the familiar figure to turn around….STEPHAN!

* * *

><p><strong>I would love your comments!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**2 Years Later**

**Ste's POV**

As I pull into Chester I get a familiar ache in my chest. I know that it has been 2 years since I left but I remember leaving like it was yesterday.

* * *

><p>"Where ya headed," I look at the attendant. He eyes me questionably. I can't imagine what he must think. I have a swollen face with tears streaming down it. I wipe the tears from my face and wince at the pain I feel in my hand. It is bearable. What I cannot bear is my heart breaking. I thought this time would be different. I thought that when Brendan told me he loved me, we would be a proper couple. I now know I will never be anything but his secret and I refuse to live like that. I deserve better.<p>

I don't know where I am going but I know that it has to be as far away from Brendan as possible. I deserve better.

I look down at the euros in my hand and place them down on the counter.

The attendant looks down at the money and then back at me again. I can tell that he wants to ask me what happened to me but decides against it.

"However far this will take me," I say, biting back tears.

He punches something into his computer then hands me the ticket and directs me towards the proper gate. I don't even look at where I am going. I don't care. I just want to get as far away from here as possible.

When I am on the train, I take one last look at my home. My home, where all of my fondest memories are. Memories like the birth of my children. I am again reminded that I am leaving them without a father. I am doing the right thing, aren't I? Brendan will never leave me alone. I have to put distance between us. After some time apart, maybe I can come back and we can be…No. No, Brendan and I can never be anything. He will always hurt me. I can never come back.

* * *

><p>As I step out of the cab I am anticipating the reaction of the people I left. Amy will probably cry, then she will be angry, then she will cry again. I hope my children will be made up to see me but I know they must be confused as to why I left. And HIM, I don't know what will happen when, if, I see him.<p>

I know he is still in Hollyoaks because I've kept in touch with one person while I was away. Someone, who has become a great mate to me, he warned me that Brendan was trying to find me. He also told me that Lee moved into our flat. I'm glad that Amy has found someone, I am, I'm just afraid that because I've been away for so long my kids will have forgotten me. This mate also encouraged me to return home for the past year but my fear prevented it. I was still in love with Brendan and I couldn't return until I wasn't.

So here I am 2 years later and I can safely say that I am no longer in love with Brendan Brady. At least that is what I keep telling myself as I look around my old village.

I have been to so many places since I left Hollyoaks. I've traveled all around England, made my way to the States and now I live in Germany. Working jobs that are paid under the table. Using fake names so that I won't be found. I have been under the radar for so long that I am surprised when someone says my name.

"Ste…..Ste…Is that really you, oh my god, it's you." Rae screams as she wraps her arms around me. I am surprised that she is so happy to see me. It's not like we were best mates and I did cheat on her practically the whole time we were together. I suppose that is what happens when years pass. Hearts mend, anger fades and you move on. I wonder if Brendan and I could have every gotten to this place.

"Yep, in the flesh," I say. I don't really know how to react to seeing her. I am happy but at the same time, I know that she will blab to the whole village that I am back. I was hoping to get in and out without being noticed. I guess that would be impossible though, after 2 years, "people" are going to want answers.

But I don't want things to get complicated. I am here for my kids.

So why then did I have this unbelievable urge to be dropped off right in front of the club? I don't want to see Brendan. I have to stay away from him. I keep my eyes focused on Rae.

"So what are you doing here?" She asks. It's a valid question. I recall a conversation I had with my mate a couple weeks ago.

* * *

><p>"Ste, how long are ye gonna keep running for," my mate on the other end asks.<p>

"As long as it takes for Brendan to forget me." I say. But what I should have said was: _As long as it takes for me to forget Brendan._

My friend is not stupid however and says, "Ye two will never fully be over each other." He is right of course, about me anyways. I thought that with distance my love for a certain Irishman would lessen. If anything, he is all I think about. But my fear keeps me in place. I can't go back to being his punching bag.

"Ye know he will never stop looking for ye, he loves ye Ste and I think he really is sorry," his words ring true. I know that Brendan won't stop looking for me. I wonder if I can really live like this for the rest of my life, on the run.

I currently call Munich home. I use a fake name. I have no friends really, except for my current phone companion. I spend most of my time working and when I'm not working, I enjoy the random anonymous hookup.

But I leave these hookups never fully satisfied and I am often reminded of how Brendan made my toes curl with such pleasure. It pains me to think that I may never feel the way he made me feel ever again.

"Maybe you're right, I miss me kids loads." I feel exhausted. Running has aged me. I am constantly looking over my shoulder and we I feel Brendan may be close; I pick up and run again. I imagine hugging and kissing my kids. I miss them so much. I've already missed so much with them. Tears escape my eyes and I wish more than anything that I could hold them.

"It's time Ste, he can't touch ye anymore, if you really don't love him than he can't touch ye." I can hear the skepticism in his voice. He doesn't believe I don't love him anymore, hell I don't believe that I don't love him anymore. But I am so tired of running. My mate is right. Brendan can't touch me, unless I let him. And I have no plans to let Brendan Brady anywhere near me.

"I'll come then, yea, but only for visit." I do not trust myself to be in the same village with Brendan for too long.

"I could come see ye…yea, do you want me to pick ye up?" He says cheerily. Which makes me cheery. It's weird, when I lived in Hollyoaks, we only talked a handful of times. But now, after all of the conversations we have shared, I would call him my best mate. But then I remember that our friendship, if found out would have severe consequences. I can't imagine what Brendan would do.

"No, I'll take a taxi. I think it is best that no one sees us together, don't cha. Things could get complicated."

"Yea, yea, I suppose it would." I can hear the frown in his voice. Brendan can't know that we speak. For now, it's best that my mate remains unnamed.

* * *

><p>"I'm here to see me kids," I tell Rae. I can see in her face that she is wondering why after 2 years I have finally decided to come back. I am wondering that too as I look around my old village.<p>

I have still not looked in the direction of the club.

"Oh…..well, I'm glad your back. The kids will be made up," she say's smiling. I'm glad that Rae can sense that I am not ready to answer any questions about why I'm back. She gives me a hug goodbye and I am left there standing.

I grab my luggage and start to walk towards the council estate. But suddenly I stop. My legs won't move anymore. I will them to keep walking but instead they turn me around.

And for the first time in 2 years I am bracing myself to see Brendan Brady. I hold my breath.

Nothing. There is no one there.

Good.

But I can't help but feel my heart sink a bit.


	4. Chapter 4

**2 Years Later**

**Brendan POV**

It's him.

My heart tightens. He looks different, older maybe, thinner. But he is still so beautiful.

I remember the last time I saw him. All bloody with a swollen face. I caused that. I wince at the memory.

I want to run towards him, tell him how sorry I am and that I missed him but my body doesn't move. I just stare at him. He hasn't looked my way, I suppose after everything that has happened he wont want to see me.

I see someone walk up to him, Rae, she hugs him and they are chatting now.

I wonder if he will even talk to me. He ran away because of me 2 years ago. He probably doesn't even think about me anymore. He probably hates me.

I see him hug Rae again and then walk away. I guess that is it then. He isn't going to even look at me.

I turn around and walk back into the club.

When inside I grab a bottle of whiskey and head towards the office.

Even though I no longer own the club, I still run it. Foxy seems to work less and less these days which suits me just fine. I like working. It gives me less time to think about him.

I put the bottle of whiskey to my lips. I will not need a glass today. I am about to go on a bender.

Right as feel the whiskey burn my throat, Declan walks through the door. That boy should really learn how to knock.

"Wow dad, starting a little early, aren't ye?" he looks a little concerned. He can see that something is wrong and I don't have the strength to pretend there's not. I look back at him and take another swig of my whiskey.

The kid showed up last night out of the blue. I wondered if he had had a fight with his ma, but he didn't want to talk about it so I left it alone. I wish he would offer me that same courtesy.

I grunt at him. What am I supposed to say, my long lost love is back and I don't have the courage to talk to him, so I'm gonna get drunk.

It's not like it's a secret anymore. Declan heard the rumors around the village and asked me about it. I of course denied it but it became harder to deny it the day Stephan left.

When I found out that he was gone, I started drinking way too much. I had become like the father that I hated. Declan knew something was wrong and continued to pester me about it. When he asked me if it had anything to do with Stephan leaving, I just lost it. I hit him. I hit my own kid, just like my father had done so many times to me before. And then I was so ashamed.

I cried. Yes, I cried if front of my son and told him about Stephan and I. Not everything, just enough for him to know that Stephan and I were together and now we are not. I needed him to know that I was hurting and that is why I lashed out. He forgave me right there and then. He is such a lovely kid, so different from me, kinder.

Declan was very supportive, he was not only my son. He became a close friend over the past 2 years. I often confided in him. I felt I could trust him.

After Declan found out, I wanted, no I needed to find Stephan. I had told my son, the one person I was most afraid of telling and he still loved me. I knew that if Stephan could just see how comfortable I am now, he could love me again.

But as the time went on and the months turned to years, I knew that Stephan wouldn't be listening to anything I had to say.

"I heard Ste's back in the village." I look up at him. Wow, news travels fast.

I grunt at that as well and cast my eyes back to my whiskey. What does he want me to say? I obviously don't want to talk about this. For being such a smart lad, my kid can be really thick sometimes.

"I think ye should stay away from him," he says. My eyes shoot up again and I know that I am visibly angry by his words. After all of the talks that we have had, he should know that I can't stay away from Stephan. But, he is right. Stephan doesn't want me anywhere near him that is why he left in the first place.

"Feck off, Declan," I say. I don't want to talk about this. I go back to drinking my whiskey. He however does not get the message and takes a seat opposite me.

"Dad, I just think it is best for all if you leave him alone," he stairs me directly in the eyes. How dare him. He knows how I feel about Stephan. He knows how much I love him. How dare he tell me to stay away from the one person it is impossible to stay away from.

Why is he so concerned with this anyway? He doesn't even know Stephan, and shouldn't he just want me to be happy. I want to be happy, with Stephan. I am angry now.

"Declan, you know nothing about Stephan and I. So don't stick ye nose in, yea?" I stand up, I am still taller than him and I want him to be afraid of me now. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I want him to shut up because he knows nothing. He has no idea what Stephan and I shared. He doesn't know how amazing I felt every time I was with him. He doesn't know that I would do anything to protect Stephan, anything.

Declan stands up as well. "I know that he doesn't love you anymore," as soon as the words come out, he puts his hand over his mouth. He is scared now. I can see it on his face.

"How do you know that," I start to move towards him. He inches back towards the door. "How do you know that Declan," I say again but this time louder.

Before I can reach for him, he is out the door and running down the stairs.

* * *

><p>I am furious now, I have downed half a bottle of whiskey and the alcohol is pumping through my veins.<p>

How dare that fucking kid tell me Stephan doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't know anything.

He came back didn't he? That has to mean something.

There is only one way to find out. I make my way over to the council estates. I am going to ask him why he is back after all this time. I am going to ask him why he never called me. I am going to ask why he doesn't love me anymore.

I fight past the tugging at my heart that already knows the answers to those questions.

As I round the corner, I have a perfect view of his estate. But something stops me dead in my tracks.

Declan is there. Why? Why would he be at Stephan's? I am about to ask him when I see the door open. I am shocked at what happens next.

The son that I love and the man that I love are hugging. Intimately.

My mind wanders back to a conversation I had with my private investigator several months back.

* * *

><p>"What the fuck am I payin' ye for Mick," I say angrily. My P.I. has just told me that they traced Stephan's whereabouts to London, but when they arrived to check it out he was gone.<p>

This has happened several times since I hired him. I am becoming restless being so close to finding Stephan only to lose him once again.

"I told you before Mr. Brady, I believe that Stephan has a contact, someone you know is giving him information." He says matter-of-factly.

"And I told ye that it can't be, I have kept tabs on everyone in Stephan's life, if he was contacting someone, I would know." I grip the phone tightly. I am about to lose it.

"Listen Mr. Brady, we can keep looking but if he has a source, he most likely already knows when you are close to finding him." He says. But Stephan can't have a source. I have covered all of those bases. He is not contacting anyone from the village.

"Just keep searching, until ye find him," I spit. With that I slam down my phone.

No, he is wrong. I will find Stephan.

* * *

><p>But now standing here, it is clear that my son and Stephan have had a relationship beyond me.<p>

I feel fire burning in my soul. I get out my phone and send a text to my son.

_Come home NOW._

_BB_


	5. Chapter 5

**1 and a half years ago**

**Ste's POV**

I pick up the phone and try to dial. I have done this several times over the last 6 months.

I have often made this decision in my weaker moments and today is no different. I want to hear Brendan's voice but I can't get myself to dial the number.

Most nights when I do this, I never even dial the number. I am too afraid of what might happen if I actually here him speak. Tonight however I am feeling brave.

I take another swig of my whiskey. I need the liquid courage. I dial the number.

"Hello," the person on the other end says. It isn't Brendan. I try to cover the fact that I am extremely disappointed.

"Hiya, sorry I think I've got the wrong number," I say. I feel a tear slide down my cheek. What am I doing? Am I that pathetic?

"Ste?" this person says. I am confused, how does this person know my voice. "Hiya, Ste, how are ye…"

I don't say anything. I have no idea why I am still on the phone but I feel a strong urge to keep listening. The voice sounds familiar and kind.

"Listen mate, do you want me to go get my dad," he says. So it is Declan.

"NO…" I yell louder than intended.

"Okay…okay, so how are ye mate? Where are ye?" he asks. I should hang up the phone. I shouldn't talk to him but I miss having contact with people I know. I don't say anything. "Look mate, if you don't want my dad to know you called. We will keep that between you and me, I just want to know how ye are doing." His kind words put me at ease.

We talk for a while. I tell him about my job and the people I've met. I feel so comfortable talking to him. I do not tell him where I am though. I can't risk Brendan finding out.

"Ste my dads coming home any minute now, how about you call back tomorrow around 5, he will be at the club and we can talk again." He says. My rational side tells me it's not a good idea but I like hearing Declan's voice. It makes me feel close to home. It makes me feel close to him.

"Alright mate." I say. I am contemplating whether this is a good idea or not. I don't know why, but Declan makes me feel at ease.

"Listen Ste, I think ye should know that my dad hired a private investigator to find ye." Brendan is looking for me. I am scared now. He can't find me. Talking to Declan is dangerous. This will be our last phone call.

"If you want, I can try to find out what he knows." He says kindly. I don't answer. I need to think about this. "What my dad did to ye was disgusting, I understand why you don't want him anywhere near you, I can help ye." He says.

I sigh. I don't know if I can trust him, but I have to know what Brendan knows.

"Alright then, we'll talk tomorrow." I say

"Tomorrow." He says. With that we hang up.

* * *

><p><strong>2 years later<strong>

When I reach the council estates, I take the key I still have out of my pocket and open the door. I call out of Amy or Lee but no one is home. I am glad, it gives me a minute to breath before they arrive.

I take my bags to my old room. Not much has changed. All of my old posters are still up and the bedspread is still the same. It feels so comfortable that I forget that this isn't my flat anymore.

I lie on the bed and close my eyes. Just thinking that I might see Brendan has made me exhausted.

Moments later or hours later, I don't really know how long I have been sleeping, I hear a knock on the door. I sit up and walk to the door groggily.

I answer it as if I have not just broken into this flat.

Who stands before me surprises me. It is Declan, standing there smiling at me. "Hi," he says with a big smile. I can't help but smile back.

We embrace each other with a hug. He feels so good in my arms. He is nothing like I remember him. He is taller now and looks a lot like his father. Handsome, manly.

I suddenly remember our surroundings and pull him inside.

"Declan, you can't be here, it's dangerous," I am scared for his safety. If Brendan finds out that Declan and I are mates, things could get really ugly.

"I know Ste, but I think I fucked up, I just wanted to make sure ye were safe." he says. This worries me. But at the same time I am really flattered that he would risk so much just to make sure I am safe.

I grab his hand and take him to the couch. He doesn't resist. It feels nice, so I probably hold his hand a lot longer then need be.

"What happened," I ask.

"Well, I told me dad that ye don't love him anymore and I thought that he might come here and ask ye himself, he was pretty livid when I left. Ye know how scary he can be," he's says fighting back tears. I want to comfort him but I don't, I just listen.

"Well he has to know that already and he hasn't stopped here so everything is alright." I wonder if that is true. Knowing Brendan he probably is on his way over here. He will want to confront me. He will stand close to me, look at me with lust in his eyes and my resolve will just crumble again. I can't be anywhere near Brendan, I don't have the strength.

"I know, but he's been drinking and I just thought…well I thought that he might come over here. I just wanted to protect ye." I flashback to when Brendan said that to me, after I found out he killed Danny Houston.

I should have ended it right there and then. I mean the man is a murderer. He is crazy, a psycho, insane but I couldn't, I still loved him.

In some ways, I still do love him. But I know that Brendan and I will never work. After my last beating, I knew that he would never change. And even if he does, our history prevents us from every truly being happy. I would always be anticipating my next beating. Who can live like that?

Declan's phone beeps. He pulls it out of his pocket and reads.

"Who is it," I ask.

"It's me dad, he wants me to come home now." he looks scared. I remember that fear, when Brendan was mad. He is unpredictable, that is what makes him so dangerous.

"You should go Dec, it will be ok, just tell him you're sorry," I say, trying to comfort him with my words.

Brendan has always had a soft spot for his kids. It is one of the things that made me fall in love with him if the first place. The way he would just gush about his sons.

Now sitting here with one of his sons, I feel a tug at my heart. Declan reminds me of the Brendan I rarely got to see. The man who comforted me after Amy and me kids were in the fire or the man who would hold me so close when we slept, like he would never let anything happen to me. It is too bad really. We could have been happy, really happy.

I am brought back to reality when Declan stands up. I stand up too and we walk towards the door. He stops and turns towards me. He seems nervous. He fidgets with his sleeves just like I do when I am nervous. I can't help but smile. "Can I see ye later," he asks.

This is probably a bad idea but I say, "Yea, why don't you come by tomorrow."

Then he walks out the door and I am left wondering what is going to happen when Brendan comes looking for me. And he always comes looking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Present**

Brendan POV

What the hell was that?

I am back at my flat now, sitting in the dark, waiting for my son.

I am trying to work out what I just saw. I am wondering why Declan and Stephan would be hugging like that. It's obvious they have some sort of relationship, but what kind and for how long?

How could my son do this to me?

If he's been talking to Stephan, than there is a possibility that he knew where he was. That after searching for Stephan for 2 years, my son had the answer the whole time.

I need answers and Declan is going to give them to me one way or another. He is going to tell me that I am crazy. That what I saw was a figment of my imagination. There has to be an explanation because I don't think that I can handle it if he knew where Stephan was.

He knows how much I have been hurting since the day Stephan left.

If he knew, that means that he is responsible for Stephan being gone for 2 years.

I asked him once, if he knew where Stephan was. I guess I never really waited for the answer.

* * *

><p><strong>1 Year Ago<strong>

I put my hands to my face. I am tired. I have just talked to my P.I. who has told me that Stephan has once again eluded us.

I hear footsteps coming towards the office. I look at the CCTV. It is my son. God, I don't want to deal with him right now. He walks into the office (without knocking). I look up to meet his gaze.

"Dad, are ye alright," he asks. He is wondering why I am sitting alone in my office with nothing in front of me but a glass of whiskey and an old picture of Stephan.

No, I am not all right but I can't tell my son that. I can't tell him that everyday without Stephan feels like hell.

I look down at the picture of Stephan. "Yea Dec, I'll be alright," I say, but I don't even convince myself. I flatten the picture. It is extremely faded and curling at the edges. It probably would have been thrown out at this point, but it is the only thing I have left of him. And as time goes by, I start to believe that this picture is going to be the only remnants of his existence.

"Ye really love him, don't ye?"

I can't say yes to this. In my world, loving another man is a sin. In my world, you can die because of those words.

I shrug, "No…"

He grabs the picture out of my hand and holds it in front of my face. "Why ye lying, anyone can see that you're hurting dad, that ye love Ste." I grab it back from him and put it in a desk drawer.

"Just leave it Declan, this doesn't concern ye." I warn.

He sighs, "Why are ye like this dad…" I shrug. I don't know why I'm like this, maybe in a masochistic way; I feel the need to hurt myself. "Maybe dad, If ye were honest just…just this once, maybe I could help ye get him back."

I laugh at this. "Help me…how can ye help me? Do ye know where Stephan is?

"I…well…I…" he stutters to find the appropriate words.

"I didn't think so, so just leave it," I point to the door and go back to whiskey.

* * *

><p>I hear the key in the door.<p>

Now I will get my answers.

Through the darkness I can see him walk into the flat. I turn on the light.

I startle him. "Boo…" I can tell that he is nervous. His eyes dart from me to the door then back to me, I think he might make a run for it. But he stays put.

He fidgets with his sleeves. "Oh…dad…I uh…I didn't see ye there."

"Oh, ye didn't see me." I smile. But this smile is not sincere, this smile is meant to intimidate.

"No…I…uh…ye alright?" he asks. He still does not move but his eyes are darting around the room like crazy. He is trying to come up with an exit plan.

"Am I alright, I don't know ye tell me." I am repeating him now. I can see that he is afraid. With every word I inch my way closer to him and he backs up. He hits the door. If he is planning a runner, I will catch him.

He starts to fidget again. He looks everywhere but at me. "Listen dad, I'm sorry…about what I said earlier, I didn't mean it."

I grab his face and turn it so our eyes connect. I dig my fingers into his neck to get his attention. "Oh…your sorry, are ye." I stare him right in the eyes unblinking. He stares back and cowers from my gaze. "Tell me something Dec, do I look like muppet to ye?"

His eyes narrow, he is trying to suss out where I am going with this. "No…" he answers. I have him pinned against the door now, my hands on both sides of him. He will be answering all of my questions now.

"So then, tell me again how ye know Stephan doesn't love me anymore." I wince at the words. I have never allowed myself to believe that Stephan doesn't love me anymore.

He tries to divert his eyes but my gaze is unwavering. "Dad, I just said it because I was angry, how can I possibly know something like that." So the kid is gonna try lying.

I lean in closer and hiss, "Really…hmm…well funny thing that…because I saw ye and Stephan being pretty cozy earlier,"

His face tells me that he's just been caught. "It's not what ye think dad," he says a little too quickly.

I remove my hands from either side of him and lean in closely to his ear. "Ye tell me what it is then," I whisper.

He shifts away from me and stands closer to the stairs. "Ste and I…we…well I…we're mates," he stutters and finally decides mates is the best he can come up with.

"Mates?" I hiss.

"Yea, mates"

"For how long Declan," he doesn't say anything. He just stares. "FOR HOW LONG." I punch the wall.

"About...about a year and a half," he says. I lose control then, see red. I grab him by his shirt and throw him to the ground. I straddle him, grab his arms and pin him to the ground. He struggles to free himself but I am stronger than him.

I lean my face in so close to him. I want him to feel my breath. I want him to be afraid.

"Did ye know where he was all this time," I say. I don't know how I will react if he says yes.

I brace myself for his answer. "Yes, I knew." We stare at each other for a moment but I turn my head away. I don't want him to see the hurt in my eyes.

I can feel his eyes on me. "Dad, I'm sorry." I get up off of him and walk back over to the couch and sit down. He knew. He fucking knew this whole time while my heart was breaking.

I fight back the urge to let tears escape from my eyes. I clear my throat. "Ye knew."

He gets up off the floor and takes a seat next to me on the couch. He sits far enough away so that if I try and grab him again he can run. "What do ye expect, Ste didn't want to be found, I was just protecting him"

"From me?" I ignore the tugging at my heart. I can't tell what hurts more, having my son know where Stephan was this whole time, or hearing that Stephan didn't want to be found because of me.

"Yes from ye, he told me about all the times ye used to hurt him." Declan grimaces. I can't even imagine what he must think of me. I wonder how detailed Stephan was in describing all the times I hurt him.

"Declan, I've changed, ye know that," I say quietly.

He takes my hand now. I can tell that he feels sad for me. He knows how badly I want to change for Stephan. "Yes but Ste doesn't know that."

"Did ye tell him," I say a little too hopeful. Maybe, just maybe Stephan will give me another chance.

Declan shoots that idea right down. "Yes but he said doesn't believe it, he said that you've made so many empty promises to him." I take my hand out of his.

I sigh. I guess I knew it wasn't going to be that easy. After 2 years, I can't expect him to just be mine again. "Can ye tell him something for me."

"What?" He asks.

"Can ye tell him…" I pause. "Can ye tell him he can stay, if he wants. Tell him I won't bother him anymore. Just tell him to stay" I know that I sound like I am pleading. I guess in a way I am. I just need him to stay. The rest I can figure out later.

"Ok…I'll tell him." He smiles. I feel relieved now. I am glad that Declan can reason with Stephan.

"On last thing, after ye tell him this…" I pause.

"What?" He asks. He looks at me kind. He is such a good lad. It's too bad I have to say this next thing.

"After ye tell him, ye can't see him anymore." I look at him sternly. Declan and Stephan cannot be mates. I can't bare thinking that he knows more about Stephan that I do.

"Excuse me?" He says sharply.

I stare him directly in the eyes. I want him to know I am serious. "Ye heard me, ye can't see him again"

"How dare ye…" he starts to say but I cut him off.

"How dare I what, I'm you're dad and I said ye can't see him."

He stands up now and heads for the door looks like he is done with our conversation. He reaches for the handle but stops and turns towards me. "Ye can't tell me who I can and can't see, I'm not a child anymore." He's got a point there. Declan is nearly 18.

But I am the dad and he is my child, if I don't want him to see Stephan, he won't see Stephan. "Ye can't see him, end of," and that is the end of it for me. I'm protecting him really. Stephan can get into you're soul, steal you're heart and then stomp all over it. Its dangerous being mates with him.

He has circles around the couch and it stands right in front of me. "You're just jealous," he spits.

"Jealous of what, ye?" I laugh at this. Does the kid really think he can take me on? I stand up and head to the kitchen.

"You're jealous of what Ste and I have. It's not my fault that he doesn't want ye anymore." I turn towards him, whiskey in hand. If thinks he can get a rise out of me he is sorely mistaken. I walk back calmly over to the couch and take a seat again.

"If I wanted Stephan, I could have him." I say confidently.

"Oh yea, ye think so, well you're not the one who's just fucked him, are ye?" That stops me dead in my tracks. Did my son just say he's fucked Stephan? I stand up again, my insides burning, rage in my eyes.

"Ye what?" I watch him carefully. He is bluffing, innit he? He has to be bluffing.

"I said ye aren't the one fuck…" I cut him off.

I get up close to his face now and bare my teeth. I can't tell if he is lying. "I don't believe ye."

He smiles smugly at me. "I can see what ye saw in him, his tight little arse…such a screamer that one." I slap him, hard. He puts his hand to his cheek.

"Say that one more time, Declan," I hiss.

"Ye are so pathetic, ye know that, no wonder Stephan doesn't love ye anymore." He heads for the door again. I see him struggle to open it. I take this opportunity to grab him but I miss. He runs out the door and down the stairs. I run over to the ledge just in time to see him running down the street. Back to Stephan's I assume.

I scream, "Ye think you've won, don't cha. I'll make sure ye never see Stephan again. YE HEAR ME…NEVER AGAIN."

* * *

><p><strong>Trying a new writing style...comments would be appriciated!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Present**

**Declan's POV**

What the hell just happened?

I can't believe I just said that.

It's not like I haven't thought about it, Stephan and I. I mean I've thought about it a lot in the last year and a half but we were never in close enough proximity to do anything about it.

Now that he is back, all I want to do is be close to him.

Fuck my dad.

He doesn't know what we have shared. He may think of my as his kid but I have desires and needs too.

He had his chance with Ste, now it's my turn.

So maybe I lied a little but we've practically already had sex anyway…

* * *

><p><strong>6 Months Ago<strong>

"What it like?" I ask. Ste and I have been talking for a while now. We have become very comfortable with each other and I feel it is as good a time as any to ask him this.

"What?" He asks.

"With a bloke…" I hear him choke. He wasn't expecting that.

He clears his throat. "What do you mean?"

"I want to know what it's like, describe it to me," I grip the phone. I feel the anticipation growing in my legs.

He giggles. He is nervous. "What…no…I can't…that's embarrassing."

"Ste…" I pause. He stays completely quiet on the other end. "Tell me what it feels like"

"Why…?" He asks. Because I want to know. Because during the months that Stephan and I have been talking, all I can think about is him. I want to know what it feels like for him. I want to know what he likes so if we ever get the chance, I know.

I lie. "Just curious that's all."

He pauses, searching for the appropriate words I assume. "Well you've been with girls right, it's kinda like that, you just put it in a different hole."

"Describe it to me" I say again. I can't help but be turned on. I can hear Ste on the other end breathing harder. He is nervous.

I close my eyes.

I hear him sigh. I almost think he might hang up on me but he starts talking instead. "It's scary…at first. Ye don't know whether you're gonna like it." He is probably hoping I end it at that. Not a chance.

I begin stroking my cock under my jeans. It has been a while since I had a good wank and the way Ste is breathing is making me so hard.

"Go on…" My breathing becomes labored. It feels so good. I can hear Ste's breath hitch. I think he is touching himself too. That makes cock twitch. I take it out of my jeans.

"When he pushes it in for the first time, ye feel the most amazing sensations." I ignore the fact that he is probably talking about my father. I start stroking faster. I have the phone to my ear and I know he can hear my breathing increase.

His breathing increases as well. "What do ye feel…?" I say.

"Pleasure and pain, all at the same time. It is almost too fucking overwhelming." I hear his muffled moans. I can't help but hope that I am the reason he is so turned on. "And when he thrusts into you harder and harder you feel you're muscles tighten around his cock." I am so aroused right now. I turn my head away from the phone and cover my mouth so that he can't hear my cries of ecstasy as I grip my cock harder and stroke it faster. He continues talking. "Then when he hits that spot inside you, you start to lose control."

I am panting now. "Keep going…" I run my thumb over the tip of my cock and shudder at the stimulation.

I keep stroking. "You feel you're body tense up and you know that you are so close." I can feel the pressure building my groin.

"Yes…" I say full of desire.

"And then…" He stops. He can't help but let out a small moan and I can tell that he is close too.

I need him to keep talking. The sound of his voice is doing crazy things to me. "And then what Ste…" I murmur.

His breathing is heavy now. The noises he is making are too much for me but I hold out until I know he is ready. "And then…you…oh my god…you…just let go…" He lets out a whimper just as I feel the wet sticking liquid on my hand. I grip onto my sheets and buck uncontrollably on my bed.

I grab a towel from my nightstand and clean up the mess on my hand. I hear shuffling on the other end and assume he is doing the same.

We don't say anything for a long time. The only reason I know he is still on the phone is because I can hear his breathing steadily going back to normal.

After about a minute of silence he finally speaks. "Listen Dec, I gotta go." What? That's it. We aren't going to even mention what just happened. I am pretty sure that Stephan and I just had phone sex.

"Ste…" I pause. I want to tell him that he makes me feel so good. That if he were to come home, I would protect him. We can be together, like a proper couple. But those words escape me and I am just sitting on the other end of this phone call waiting for something brilliant to come out of my gob.

"We'll talk later, okay, I just…I gotta go." He doesn't wait for my reply. I hear the phone click.

"Yea, later." I say to no one.

He didn't call me for a couple weeks after that. I thought that he had decided to never talk to me again out of embarrasment.

When he finally calls 2 and a half weeks later we never speak about this "incident" again.

* * *

><p>After running away from my dad's I just wander the streets, thinking. I don't know where to go. It's not like I have any mates here. I'm only here on weekends and holidays and have never really made an effort to make any friends.<p>

My dad is always going on about me meeting a nice girl. Well I think it is obvious now that I don't want a nice girl. I just want Stephan.

I know we said that we would see each other tomorrow but I can't help but find myself standing outside of Ste's flat.

I press my hand against the door. This is stupid. I might as well go face the wrath. I'm going to have to eventually see my dad.

I turn around and start to walk away.

I hear the door open. "Declan?" I turn around and see Ste staring at me.

The tears start running down my cheeks now. He makes me feel so vulnerable. Like he can see right into my soul.

He reaches his hand out. "Come inside."

He points to the couch and gestures for me to sit down. He walks into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

He walks back into the living room and sits next to me on the couch. He touches my thigh and I feel a jolt of electricity course through my body. "What happened mate," he asks concerned.

I want to prolong this conversation as much as possible. When he finds out that my dad knows about us, he might do a runner again. "Where's Amy and the kids," I ask.

"They're on vacation, gone for a couple of weeks, perfect timing huh." He smiles, which makes me smile.

His hand still rests on my thigh. It is comforting. He is waiting for me to explain what happened but instead I say, "Well that's too bad, I know how much ye wanted to see the kids."

"It's alright mate…I have time." He smiles again. "So what happened?" He looks so sincere. I want to blurt out everything but I only say 2 words at a time.

"He knows…" I frown.

"He knows what?" He looks confused, like it never even crossed him mind that my dad could find out.

I look down at the ground. I don't want to see his face. "About us." I look back up at him.

He gets a look of sheer panic on his face. He stands up quickly and starts frantically grabbing all of his belongings. I follow behind him.

"Ste…Ste…wait…listen," He doesn't stop.

"Brendan knows Declan, that means he's coming after me and I can't be here when he does." He continues to pack. I grab his shoulder and turn him to face me.

"He's not after ye." He scoffs at that. He doesn't believe me.

He looks me dead in the eyes. "How do you know that Declan?"

"Because…" I pause. "Because he's after me."

"And why would he be after you?" He asks. I understand his skepticism. I am Brendan's son after all. But I have crossed the line, I have told him some truths that he was not ready to hear. Well…maybe I fabricated a bit.

I shrug. "I said something."

He is getting annoyed now. He just wants me to spit it out. "What did you say?"

I am ashamed of what I have to tell him next. I look at the ground again. "Well I kinda…I…fuck Ste…I told him we slept together."

"Why would you do that," he screams.

"Because he told me that I can never see ye again. He told me that he's my dad and whatever he says go." His face softens after that. He can relate to being told what to do by my dad. "He said that he could have ye anytime he wanted, he looked so sure of himself, I just wanted to shut him up." He shakes his head. Probably at the absurdity of the situation, all he wanted to do was get away from my dad and I have just ensured that he is right back in the middle of things. "I just wanted him to know that he isn't the Brady who can…"

"Who can what," he asks.

"Who can please ye." I lean in to kiss him.

He pulls away and puts his hand on my chest. "Dec…you and me, we can't happen, you know that right?"

"Why…because of him. He can't control ye anymore Ste. If ye fancy me then why not?" I run my hand up his thigh and cup his groin. I can't help it. I want him so badly right now. He hitches a breath.

"It's too…" Before he can finish his sentence I grab his face and pull him into a kiss.

He resists at first but I keep holding him and slip my tongue in his mouth. I can feel his resolve break as begins to kiss me back. His tongue slides against mine. He grips my waist pulling me closer to him.

I put my hand down his pants and grab his cock. He is so hard. I start stroking him.

He grabs my hand and pulls away suddenly. We are both left breathing heavily.

He backs away from me. "Fuck I can't do this…you're Brendan's son. He will kill me."

"Ste…" I plead. He stares at me. He seems to be considering his options.

"Fuck it," he finally says and pulls me towards the bedroom.

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><p><strong>Comments appreciated!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry I haven't written in a while but I was at a lose of which way I wanted to take this story. This version is a much darker version. I'm just gonna put it out there and see what people think. If you like it than I will continue, if not it's back to the blackboard. Also I just want to mention that I am American so sometimes I may not use sayings the right way.**

**Anyway PLEASE comment and tell me whether you like the way it's headed or not!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

**Present**

I run back into the flat and pick up the phone. I dial Declan. Again and again and again. But he never picks up. I throw my phone against the wall in a fit of rage. It shatters across the wall to the floor.

"Fuck…" I just bought this phone a month ago. I start picking up the pieces.

Maybe Declan's right, maybe I am pathetic.

I mean, how can I even think that after 2 years apart there is anything left between Stephan and I.

I throw away the remnants of my phone and fall into the couch defeated. The whiskey in front of me is all I need now. I want to forget everything that has happened today.

My son…Stephan…the fact that the two of them are probably having sex right now.

Another half a bottle later and I am thoroughly drunk.

Why am I still holding on?

Lord knows that for most of our relationship, pain was at the forefront.

I wanted to be honest, I wanted us to be together but when the time came for me to prove it, I couldn't.

And now Stephan is with my son and who knows what lies he is spinning.

Declan could be saying anything to my son just to get him. Take him away from me.

After everything I have done for that kid. This is how he repays me.

I need to get out of here, clear my head.

* * *

><p>I walk the streets.<p>

I wonder if I had just been a better father, if I had taught my son better, then maybe this wouldn't be happening.

But Declan isn't an innocent bystander in all of this, the product of a distant father.

I know the truth.

The kid has his dark side too.

I may have may have killed someone but it was to protect someone I love.

But Declan, he did what he did because…well I don't know why.

I often wonder if my words caused this. If somehow I am the reason he is like this.

I think back to the night back at the flat when I found him with blood on his hands.

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><p><strong>1 and a half years ago<strong>

My son comes barreling into the house, fear in his eyes. "What happened Declan?"

He is shaking. "Dad…I did…I did something bad."

"What did ye…who's blood is that, is that your blood, are you hurt?" I rush over to him.

He looks down at his hands. It's as if he hadn't noticed it before. "Oh my god" He is crying now, sobbing.

I grab his face. "Declan tell me what yeh've done…now"

He looks me dead in the eyes and with no hesitation he hiss's, "I took the power back dad, just like ye told me to."

I stare at him for a while. His eyes tell me nothing. "What do ye mean?"

"That little bitch thought she could laugh at me, so I followed her home." He says as if that explains it all.

I pull him to the couch and sit us both down. "Ok Declan, I need ye to start from the beginning, who laughed at ye?"

He has stopped crying now. His face is still, no emotion. "Ruby…Ruby Button. Her and her friends thought they could laugh at me, told me I wasn't a real man, so I showed her what a real man is."

I stare at him again. "What did ye do Declan?" I growl.

"I grabbed her, hit her and then I showed her what a real man does."

I cover my mouth. "Ye raped her."

He smiles. "I'm just doing what ye taught me dad, just like ye did to Ste."

He stands up and walks into the kitchen and washes the blood off his hands. I stand in shock watching him. He is so calm it is scary. I wonder if this is how Stephan felt about me.

I need to explain to him that I would never do anything like this to Stephan. "Stephan and I…I never…I would never…" But I can't complete my sentence.

He laughs at this. "Is that why ye beat him senseless dad…ye told me that Stephan stepped out of place, so ye gave him a dig. Well…I just did like ye said and gave Ruby a dig." It makes me sick that he is repeating my words.

I walk into the kitchen and stand next to him. "Where is she now?"

He shrugs. "I don't know…I left her in the alley way."

"Did she see ye," I say.

He shrugs again. "No…I don't think so."

I grab his shoulders and face him towards me. I scream, "DECLAN…did she see ye or not." Why is he not taking this seriously? He could go to prison.

"No…" he say's smugly.

I don't understand why he is so calm but I have to take action now. I grab his face to make sure he hears me. "Ok listen to me carefully. I need ye to take those clothes and burn them, stay here and I'll take care of the rest."

And I did take care of the rest.

I found Ruby crying in the alleyway. I took her back to her flat. Told her to shower, wash her clothes and then I fished for information.

She didn't know anything.

I told her it was best not to go to the police because they would just make her relive the incident over and over again. I felt sick knowing that my son caused this but I had to protect him.

He is my son after all.

* * *

><p>I walk in the direction of Stephan's flat. Stephan and Declan can't happen.<p>

Stephan doesn't know what Declan is capable of.

I may be no Snow White but I would do anything to protect Stephan, anything.

Declan is dangerous, he is dangerous in a way that I never was.

He is scarier than me because he seems so innocent. He has a way about him that makes you trust everything he says.

After the rape, I thought that he was remorseful. I believed him when he said that it happened in the heat of the moment. That he would never do anything like that again.

But when I went into his room, after he went back to his mum's, I found a necklace. It had a little heart with the initials RB on the back, a keepsake.

That's when I knew this would not be the last time I clean up my son's mess.

I walk faster into the cold night.

Stephan of course won't believe me that Declan is dangerous but I have to stop whatever is happening between those two.

I finally reach his flat and knock.


	9. Chapter 9

**Present **

**Ste's POV**

What am I doing?

This is Declan…Brendan's son.

I can't stop myself though. He looks so much like Brendan it's scary. It's exciting and terrifying all at the same time, like the first time with Brendan.

I drag him into the bedroom and push him on the bed. Fear finally creeps into my mind. I am taking a big risk being here with him.

"Declan…?"

"What?" He sits up on the bed now.

"If we do this, your dad will be after us big time, you know that right?"

"So what Ste, don't let him control ye."

"I know" I frown at that. I know that he is controlling and crazy but a part of me still believes that somehow, he loved me.

Declan senses my thoughts. "Ye are too weak Ste, don't let him talk ye back into his bed."

"I know." He is right. In the past I let Brendan walk all over me. He would hit me and then he would seduce me right back into his sick little games. I am stronger than that now. Aren't I?

He smiles. "Ste, ye and me, it's the best way to get back at him."

"Is that what this is, a way to stick it to your father?" I don't know whether I care.

"Don't tell me it's not that for ye, ye want him to know ye are over him right…what better way." I don't know if it's what I want but I can't help but be so enthralled with him right now.

He pulls his shirt over his head. I am amazed how muscular he is. When I last saw him, he was a kid, now he is definitely a man.

He takes off his pants and exposes his erect cock. I feel myself twitch at the sight of it. I want him to take me right now and remind me what it feels like to be fucked by a Brady.

He wraps his legs around me and pulls me on top of him. I can feel his hard cock pressed against mine. I let out a moan filled with arousal. I had forgotten how good this could be.

He flips us both over so that he is sitting on top of me, his cock rubbing against mine in my thin trousers.

He pins my hands over my head. I turn my head to the side and close my eyes. It's almost too much to bear. The exhilaration of it all has put all thoughts of Brendan out of my head.

He whisper's "I'll show ye what a real man does." And I hope that he does.

He releases my hands and starts taking off my pants. I pull at his boxers but he slaps my hands away.

That action puts Brendan right back to the forefront of my mind.

I am reminded of the first time we were together like this, in this same room.

No…I can't do this. It's not right, not with Brendan's son.

I try and push him off of me but he is strong. He pins my arms down again.

"Declan…I can't do this." I croak. I am aware that I am letting Brendan control me again but I just can't do this. It is all too much.

"Why Ste…because of him." He spits angrily.

"Just get off of me." I struggle with my pinned arms. He does not let up. He grips me tighter.

"No…I know ye want this." He whispers. He licks the side of my face. I start to panic. I don't know why but I start to feel like he might not let me go. Like he could do whatever he wants to me and I couldn't do anything about it.

I hear a knock on the door.

I am relieved because it has distracted him long enough for me to jerk my hands out of his grasp and push him off of me.

I know exactly who it is without answering. He is here for his son and to kick my head in.

"Just stay here, I'll get rid of him." I definitely don't want Brendan to know that Declan is here. And after that, Declan has got to go to. This was a bad idea.

I walk to the door. "Who is it?" No answer.

I know who it is. "Brendan, I know it's you…what do you want."

I hear his head thud against the door. "Let me in."

"No…"

He sighs. "Let me in, please. I need to talk to ye."

"No…" He bangs his fist on the door. He is losing patience.

"You're angry at me I get that…but I need ye to let me in…do ye hear me Stephan, LET ME IN." He starts pounding on the door harder.

I place my head against the door. "What do ye want Brendan."

"I need ye to stay away from Declan," his voice breaks. He seems sad but that's the thing about Brendan Brady, you can never really tell with him.

"He's not here." I lie. The last thing I need is for Brendan to barge in here and find us in a clinch.

He however does not believe me. "Don't lie to me Stephan."

"Just leave me alone…I told you he's not here." I don't even convince myself.

"There are things ye don't know about him…" he begins but stops. What does he mean by that. I turn my head in the direction of the bedroom.

I lower my voice. "Like what?" I am curious now. I want to know what Declan is hiding.

"Stephan…" His voice is so low I can hardly hear him. He is pleading with me now.

I open the door finally. "Like what Brendan." I am taken aback by his appearance. He looks tired and sad and nervous but still so breathtakingly beautiful.

He stands in the doorway and looks at me intently. I begin to melt. I feel butterflies in my stomach. He still has such a profound effect on me.

Brendan's eyes divert from me to something behind me. I follow them to find Declan standing in my living room with nothing on but his boxers.

SHIT.

"What do ye want?" Declan finally says.

Brendan moves closer to me, almost as if he's protecting me. "Ye don't touch him." He looks disturbing. His eyes dark and narrow, like he is ready to pounce if Declan even tries to come near me. This confuses me. I was sure Brendan was here to kick in my head for being with his son.

"I already have," Declan hisses. I cringe at his words. I don't want Brendan to know what we got up to.

Brendan enters the flat now, charging towards Declan. He is inches away from his face. I remember what a terrifying feeling that is.

Brendan growls, "Ye. Don't. Touch. Him." He is closer than anyone should ever be to another person.

I stand back. I have learned that it is best not to get involved when Brendan looks like this.

The weird thing though is Declan looks just as dangerous. Brendan has a few inches on him and definitely more muscle but Declan looks like he can hold his own against his father. Brendan must have taught him well.

"Ste doesn't love ye anymore…when are ye gonna get that through your thick head…ye don't have the power anymore, I do." Um…excuse me. I hate how they speak about me as if I'm not standing here. This pisses me off.

"Listen…both of you just need to calm down." I say but they ignore me. They stand there in my kitchen staring each other down, neither one backing down.

"Well that's because Stephan doesn't know the truth about ye." Brendan threatens.

He keeps saying that. That there are things I don't know. But I can't begin to fathom what he means. What can be worse than what I know about him? I mean he's a murderer for fuck sakes.

Declan laughs. "But Ste knows the truth about ye, doesn't he, that you're just a pathetic piece of shit who can't touch him anymore." He looks so pleased with himself.

I look at Brendan, his face changes. It is the same face I saw the night I left.

At that moment Brendan swings. He hits Declan square in the face. Declan falls to the ground with thud and a look of shock on his face.

Brendan grabs him by the throat. "Ye know nothing…ye want to take me on…ye have no idea what I've done to keep Stephan safe…I will take ye out if I have to." Declan is flailing, gasping for air.

I run over and pull Brendan off of his son with all my force. We both fall backwards onto the floor.

A look of shock creeps onto his face like he has only just realized what he has done.

I run over to Declan and take him into my arms. "Oh my god…Declan are you ok?" He is shaking, crying. I brush his hair away from his face and try to calm him down.

I should have known. I should have fucking known.

I look up at Brendan who is now standing, eyes darting between the two of us. "Get out Brendan," I scream.

"Stephan…" I can feel his eyes burning into me but I don't look. I don't want to look him anymore. I don't want to see his face. He disgusts me.

I keep my eyes on Declan. "Just get out," I growl.

"But…I…I just…ye have to stay away from him Stephan, he's dangerous." He really is delusional, isn't he? As if I didn't just witness him nearly choke his son to death.

"No Brendan…the only person who is dangerous here is you. I left because you were an abusive psycho and now I can see that nothing has changed." I see the sadness in his eyes, like he is pleading for me to listen, to let him explain but I'm not having any of it. "Get the fuck out of my flat before I call the police."

I hold Declan tighter. I am protecting him. I know better than anyone what Brendan's rage feels like.

He looks between Declan and I, his eyes finally focusing on Declan. There is something disconcerting in his eyes. Like he is afraid to leave without me. He takes a step forward. I wonder if he might just grab me and run.

But he finally resigns and with one last look at me, he is out the door.

I look down at Declan. He looks so innocent. Brendan is just trying to keep us apart. I don't care what he has to say about him.

It will only be lies anyway.

I help Declan up and take him back to my bedroom.

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><p><strong>Thanks everyone for your kind reviews. As always please tell me what you think, it totally makes my day! XOX Cryann<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Present**

**POV Brendan**

I stand there in shock watching Stephan as he brushes Declan's hair out of his face affectionately.

Why did I just do that?

"Get out Brendan," Stephan spits out without even looking at me.

"Stephan…" I will him to look at me. _Please just look at me.._

But he doesn't. His eyes are fixed on Declan. "Just get out…" He growls.

I need him to just understand why I did this. _I'm protecting you, I had to do it, I love ye._ But my words only come out sounding like shallow attempt to keep them apart. "But…I…I just…ye have to stay away from him Stephan, he's dangerous."

He finally looks at me with dead, cold eyes. "No Brendan…the only person who is dangerous here is you. I left because you were an abusive psycho and now I can see that nothing has changed."

He is wrong, I have changed, but I don't know how to control myself when it comes to protecting him. Doesn't he realize that this is all for him.

"Get the fuck out of my flat before I call the police." I know he means it. I have fucked up royally. This was not how things were supposed to go. I needed Stephan to stay away from Declan and now I just pushed them right back together. My eyes shift between the two of them. _How am I going to talk my way out of this?_

My eyes focus on Declan now. He looks so small and fragile. I almost feel sorry for what I have done until a small sinister smile comes across his face. _Is he smiling…he's fucking smiling at me._

I realize now that he had anticipated my reaction. He knew that I couldn't control my rage when he said Stephan doesn't love me anymore. And now I have to sit here and watch Stephan comfort Declan.

I begin to weigh my options. I can just pick him up and run. I can drag Stephan out of this flat. I just need him alone. I need to explain the situation to him.

I take a step forward. _He will forgive me. I'm protecting him._

Stephan looks up at me. His eyes tell me that if I take one more step forward I will regret it.

So I decide against it. I look at Declan who still has a smirk on his face as Stephan hugs him tighter. _I will be back. Ye can count on that._

I take one last look at Stephan who looks back at me with revulsion and then I am out the door.

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><p>The cold air hits my face and I realize that it is well into the night. I head in the direction on my flat. I have to sleep eventually but first I have a call to make. If I can't reason with Stephan then I'm going to have to get rid of Declan.<p>

I pull out my phone and dial the number, I realize that it is almost 4 in the morning but Declan needs to leave Hollyoaks NOW.

The phone rings and rings and rings but I am not hanging up. Finally she picks up. "Hello…"

"Eileen…"

"What…Brendan…what's wrong…did something happen?" she mumbles. She is obviously half asleep as I should be now.

"I'm sending Declan back to ye." I know I sound in a panic but between the alcohol and the lack of sleep, I can no longer have rational thoughts. My mind keeps flashing to Stephan who is alone in his flat with Declan. The same kid who brutally raped Ruby Button without a second thought. _I have reason to panic._

I hear her shuffling. "Why Brendan…what time is it…what happened?"

I ignore her questions. I don't have time for them. "He can't stay here…do ye hear me Eileen. He can't stay here." I am aware that I am raising my voice but I need her to comprehend. Stephan is small, weak. He is too trusting. If Declan wanted to he could overpower him, force him to do things. He could hurt him.

I push back the thought that I am a complete hypocrite.

She is silent for a bit. I almost think she has fallen asleep until I hear her sigh, "…Brendan…he can't come back here."

I am confused now. Declan only came for a visit, she never told me that he was staying for good. "Why…?"

I can hear her breathing quicken. She seems scared to tell me. "Something happened." _Wow Eileen…way to state the obvious._

"What…" I ask annoyed.

She is hesitating. "Something bad."

I yell now. "Dammit Eileen…spit it out." I realize that I should have a little more patience but that is not a luxury I have right now. As we speak, Stephan and Declan are probably consummating their relationship. After that, it will be harder for Stephan to see Declan for who he really is. The lad has always been kind of thick when it comes to love.

"He attacked me…" she says really quietly. I think she was hoping I wouldn't hear.

I am stunned. "Attacked ye…what do ye mean?."

"He hit me Brendan…and he didn't stop. I thought he was going to kill me. I've never seen that look in his eyes it terrified me. Brendan he can't come back, I have Paraic to think about."

"Why didn't ye tell me?" I say calmly. It is obvious that she is upset. I don't need to be an asshole on top of that.

She pauses. I suppose she is choosing her words carefully. "I was afraid of what ye would do to him…he's still our son." She however doesn't know what I know about him though. He may be my son but that doesn't mean I will let him hurt the people I love.

"I'll take care of it Eileen." I try to sound reassuring. I don't want her to have to worry. She is a good person and an even better mother.

"What are ye gonna do," she asks.

_I'm gonna make him pay. _"I don't know." I say honestly.

* * *

><p>After I hang up with Eileen, I walk up the stares to my bedroom. Sleep is inevitable. I will need all my strength to deal with Declan.<p>

When I wake, I will figure out my next move.

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><p><strong>Thanks Everyone...hope you like it!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**I know that I had Brendan throw his phone against the wall but for the stories sake let's pretend that he didn't do that. :)**

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><p><strong>1 and a half years ago<strong>

**Declan's POV**

_Where is it? Oh my god, where is it? _I search through all my bags. I pull out all my clothes. Look through all my drawers.

_Fuck. Where is it? _I am about to turn over my bed when I hear footsteps.

"Looking for this?" My dad is standing in my bedroom holding "MY" necklace.

_He knows._

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><p>Ste paces his flat back and forth. "I can't believe he did that...he really is crazy." He is rambling. "…we should report him…I knew coming back was a bad idea…"<p>

"Ste…" I close my eyes. My patience is running thin. I just want him to shut the hell.

He continues to ramble. "He came in here trying to tell me that your dangerous…he is the only one who is dangerous…he should be in prison…I can't believe I ever lo…"

"STE…could ye just shut the hell up for a second." I yell. His eyes widen and he stops pacing. He looks at me confused by my sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry Declan…I guess I am going on a bit." He smiles nervously.

I gesture for him to sit on the bed. I don't want to listen to him anymore. I did not just go through all of that to listen to him.

"Ste, I don't want to talk about my dad anymore, ok." I smile. I need him to feel relaxed. That's the only way I will get what I want tonight.

"Yeah…of course...I'm sorry." He really is pretty almost girlish. It makes it easier to seduce him.

It's unfortunate that he is a means to an end. I could have really enjoyed being with him genuinely but I'm here because I want something.

"That's alright." I run my fingers through his hair.

"Well what do we do now…should we go to bed, it's nearly 4 in the morning?" He looks around the room nervously. It makes me let out a short laugh.

He already knows what we are going to do. "I can think of a few things besides sleep." Whether it was through manipulation or not, I was going to have Ste Hay tonight.

I grab his face and kiss him hard, my tongue slides against his. He tastes so good. I can see the appeal. I can feel his vulnerability. It's what makes him so easy to control. When he gives himself to someone, he gives himself fully.

This is probably why my dad kept coming back for more, it is addicting. But I am not weak like he is. I will use Ste up until he is of no more use to me. My dad made the mistake of loving him and now he will pay the price.

This isn't about pleasure for me, not tonight. This is about me showing my dad that I have the power. That I can have "His Stephan" like this, anytime I want to unless he does exactly what I want him to do.

I don't need to bother with the foreplay. I pull his pants down rough and shove him down into the bed. His eyes widen again. I want him to know that I am in control of this. He doesn't fight me, I suppose he is probably used to it by now. He turns over onto his stomach, arse up. _Just like a obident dog._ A smile creeps on my face. He almost makes it too easy.

I wet two fingers and push them into his tight hole. He cries with pleasure. Pleasure that I give him.

It turns me on knowing that I am about to fuck the man my dad loves and there is nothing he can do about it.

With my other hand, I pump my cock a few times. It doesn't take much. I can't help but be thrilled. The power of it all turns me on, knowing that at any moment, if I want to I can hurt him. I can take his life without a second thought. He wouldn't see it coming. I could turn him over and choke the life out of him right here, right now.

He grabs his cock and starts rubbing. He doesn't even realize how bad I want to hurt him right now. But he trusts me, thinks I'm the victim in this story. Lucky for me, my dad has done a number on him. He is naïve. One day that will get him killed, but not today, today I need him.

I pull my fingers out and push myself into him. He is so tight. He bites the pillow to stifle his moans.

Ste knows what he is doing and I feel like I might lose it from the sensations I am experiencing. This is my first time with a bloke and I wonder why I haven't been doing this all along.

He drives himself against me signifying he wants more of me in him. I give him what he wants because I want it too. His hands grip the bedding as I push in deeper.

My thrusts are hard, determined. I want to fuck him so hard he can't walk straight. I want him to feel me inside of him well after I am gone. I want to fuck away any trace of my father.

"Declan…" he moans. It does crazy things to me when he says my name. I close my eyes and thrust harder.

He is moaning so loudly now. I know that he is close.

With a few more thrusts, I feel the pressure building. I grab his shoulder, dig my nails into him and cum into his ass.

He bucks around and throws his head back, which tells me that he is coming too.

* * *

><p>Ste is lightly breathing now and I know that he is finally asleep. I have been waiting to do this all night.<p>

I grab my phone from the side of the table and click to 'take pictures'.

I pull down the sheet that is covering his naked body. He stirs a bit but continues his shallow breathing.

With my phone I take a picture of him and type a message.

_You'll get back what's yours when I get back what's mine…_

I smile and press send.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for the nice comments, they are always welcome! Cryann XOX<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Brendan's POV**

When I wake up in the morning my head is throbbing. I know that it is in part due to the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed last night and in part due to the fact that it is about 99.9% likely that last night my son fucked 'my' Stephan.

I sit up in bed and am reminded that I am no closer to figuring out what I am going to do about Declan. Stephan can't be persuaded at this point. I lost my temper with Declan and he is not likely to forget that. What I need is for someone else to tell him the truth.

I reach for my phone on the bedside table and realize that I have a text. I open it up and there is a picture of Stephan naked. I feel my heart rate increase and my grip on my phone tighten. Even without his face in the shot I know it is him. I have spent many nights inside that boy and had his cock in my mouth. I know it is him and I know that Declan has sent it. I scroll down to read the message.

_You'll get back what's yours when I get back what's mine._

What the hell does that mean?

I rack my brain trying to figure out what he means. What could I possibly have of his that he would be so desperate to get back.

Before I can think about it any further my phone rings.

"Brendan."

I frown. I don't really want to deal with her this morning. "What is it Eileen."

"I forgot to tell you something last night…"

"What"

"A little while ago I heard Declan talking to someone over the phone, he said he had plans for Ste, that bloke that used to work for you."

"What kind of plans?"

"He said that if you didn't give him what he wanted, that they would take him to the spot where they met, where all this started."

"Where all what started?"

"I don't know Brendan, I only heard Declan's side of the conversation. That's all I know. I didn't think anything of it, because I knew Ste had left town but now that he's back…I just thought you should know."

"Thanks Eileen."

_Declan has a partner in all this._ This makes him more unpredictable than I originally thought. Stephan has an enemy out there and I have no idea who this person is.

I cannot trust anyone anymore.

* * *

><p>I arrive at the door and knock. This is the only person I can think of who might have a clue as to who is Declan's accomplice. The last time I talked to her, she didn't remember anything and I made it a point to keep it that way. This time, I need answers that I hope she can provide me.<p>

"Ruby." I say when she opens the door. Her eyes widen. She certainly wasn't expecting me. We haven't spoken since the incident nearly a year and a half ago.

"Brendan what are you doing here."

"We need to talk." I push myself past her and take a seat on the couch. She resigns and sits opposite of me.

"What do you want?"

"I need ye to tell me everything ye remember about that night."

"Why? I told ye before Brendan I don't remember anything."

"Think Ruby…do ye remember anyone hanging about. Anything suspicious…come on anything."

"No, I told you, he grabbed me from behind and knocked me out." Her eyes widen. I can see her brain trying to come to some conclusion. "I did come to for a bit, I could here talking."

"Do ye remember what was being said?"

"There were two of them…yeah, two blokes, I remember know. One of the guy was asking 'how does it feel to be a man now?'" I cringe at her words.

"Anything else."

"The other guy, sounded like a kid…young he asked 'when do we get to make our first kill' and he said…" She stops tears filling in her eyes. I can see that she is starting to unravel from this memory. I put my hand on hers and try to comfort her the best way I know how.

"Tell me what he said Ruby."

"The older guy said 'Right now, you get to learn right now'. Oh my god. They were going to kill me, weren't they? They were going to kill me…" Her sobs are getting louder.

But they didn't kill her. And I know that Declan came to me instead. _Something must have happened._

"Well they didn't kill you Ruby, and ye are safe now."

"How am I safe Brendan, there are two of them and I have no idea who they are."

"I'm working on that Ruby, I won't let anyone hurt ye." I fell my stomach drop because I have no idea how I was going to do that. It's not that I particularly care about Ruby but she is connected to this and in order to keep Stephan safe, I have to keep her safe as well. I get up to leave and head for the door.

She stands up too. "I remember something else. When they came up behind me, the one who grabbed me… he was wearing a wedding ring."

* * *

><p>So here is what I know. Declan was being groomed. By someone smarter and more experienced. How they met and who else they have hurt is what I need to know. And what they want from me. Whatever it is, Stephan is their ticket.<p>

When Stephan was gone all those years, I remember thinking he was safer away. That I should be thankful that I was rid of him because I at least knew that he was safe.

But my heart wouldn't let him go and because of that, here he is in danger again and he has no fucking clue.

I need to find out who this man is that is helping Declan. But first I need to know what they've been getting up to. I don't recall hearing about any murders or rapes in Hollyoaks but that's not saying a lot. Over the last 2 years my life has been spent looking for Stephan. Everything else was subsidiary.

When I make it back to my flat I open my laptop and look up murders and rapes in the Chester area.

I scroll the sites and find nothing that looks suspicious. I am about to close it when I see an article that reads _Woman Still Missing After Three Weeks._ I open the article and am shocked by what I read.

_Amy Barnes mother of two disappeared 3 weeks ago. Police believe that she was on her way to the airport with her children when she was abducted. The children were not harmed and are with family. Police found blood at the scene and are asking the public to come forward if they have knowledge of her whereabouts or of the incident._

* * *

><p><strong>3 weeks ago<strong>

I am sitting in Chez Chez as I do most nights these days with a glass of whiskey. I don't notice that anyone has walked in until I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Alright Brendan." I hear Amy ask.

"Amy, now what do I owe this pleasure?" I smile. We have done this quite a few times over the years that I actually take pleasure in seeing her. She makes me feel close to Stephan.

"I was just wondering if ye found out anything about Stephan." She says sitting down next to me.

I bow my head in guilt. "Ye know I haven't, I would have told ye."

She nods in agreement. "I just have this feeling…like he's coming home soon."

My eyes shoot up to hers. "Why? Do you know something?" I study her to see if she is hiding something.

"No, I don't know, it's just a feeling, look Brendan I'm going on vacation with the kids for a month, we're going to Cuba. If ye hear anything from Stephan, give me a call. Promise."

"I promise Amy." And I mean it. I wouldn't call Amy and me mates but over the years we have come to an understanding. She understands that I will always hold a part of Stephan and I understand that she will do the same.

Her eyes are distracted and she looks behind me. "Oh Hiya Declan, how are you."

I turn my head and see my son who is fixedly staring at Amy. I nudge him to stop and his eyes quickly divert.

"Going on vacation Amy?" He says, eyes fixed on her again.

"Yeah, Cuba with the kids" She smiles politely. I can tell she is uncomfortable around my son.

"Cuba, eh, I heard if you get murdered out there no one would find the body. Just you and the trees." _What the fuck?_

"Oh, well that's interesting." Amy looks at him with a smile that indicates how creepy that just sounded and heads down the steps.

"What was that about? Why did ye say that?" I ask my son.

"That Amy sure is pretty isn't she? She will be missed…while she's on her vacation, I mean." I furrow my brow. Sometimes that kid is so unsettling.

* * *

><p>Sitting here now alone in my flat, I can now comprehend that my son and his accomplice murdered Amy.<p>

And Stephan doesn't even know.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you like it!<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Ste's POV**

**1 Week Later**

I search frantically around the house, in closets and drawers, under the bed, in the fridge. What for I don't know. A receipt. A note. Something that tells me where Amy and me kids might have gone.

She was supposed to have returned 3 days ago. I called the airport and they have no record of Amy or me kids ever being on any flight.

At this point I don't know what to think. Maybe they got delayed or maybe their flight got cancelled because of bad weather. Or maybe…they never got on the plane.

The only reason I even knew they were on vacation is because of a note Amy left, presumably for the neighbors that said she would be on vacation for a month and to water the plants. I guess the neighbors gave up on that responsibility because I haven't seen anyone since I arrived a week ago.

I haven't actually left the house since my run-in with Brendan. I don't want there to be any chance of me running into him. I felt safe when Declan was around, but he went back to Dublin a few days ago. It was actually really odd the way he left. He got a phone call in the middle of the night. He got up right out of bed with no explanation and said he had to go to Dublin. I didn't press though. I had the feeling that I would not get a straight answer. He is a lot like his father in that way.

Now sitting alone in 'my' flat, I have been able to concoct all sorts of horrible thoughts of what might have happened to Amy and the kids.

I have made the bold decision to leave the house today to try to find anyone who might have heard from her or knows where she might be. If I run into Brendan, I will just blank him. This is about Amy and me kids, not him.

As I walk down the streets of the village, I notice that people are avoiding me. Like really avoiding me! Tony spots me and turns the opposite way. Surely he recognizes me, I haven't changed that much. Then I see Frankie who is always keen for a good gossip but she avoids me as well. This is weird.

I spot Rae across the road and run after her. She jumps as I scream her name. Her eyes dart back and forth like she might do a runner but luckily she stays still. I take in her awkwardness towards me.

"Hiya Ste…how are you doing?" Her voice sounds concerned when she asks me.

"I'm fine…listen do ye know why everyone is acting weird towards me." I don't have time for pleasantries, something is going on and I want to get to the bottom of it.

"Well I think considering what has happened, no one knows what to say to you. It's a hard situation, you know." She says delicately as if I might break.

I don't understand what she means. I mean are people really confused what to say to me, I've only been gone for 2 years. Most of these people have known me for years. People I would call mates. "What are you talking about…I know I've been gone for a while but I don't get why I am being ignored, are they mad because I left without saying." She squints at me and crinkles her nose. Her face reads her obvious uneasiness about the situation.

"No, I think its…because of Amy." She says slowly. She cocks her head to the side and eyes me again.

"What about Amy…Rae do you know where she is, or why she's not back from her vacation yet."

I can see her face change from uneasiness to trepidation. I have a feeling that what she is about to tell me is not good.

"Ste…" She puts a hand on my shoulder and takes a deep breath in. "Amy's been missing for a month now.

* * *

><p>I sit at the police station waiting for someone to tell me what has happened. Rae didn't know much, only that Amy never made it on that plane but the kids are fine and with Mike. I will have to go see them after I figure out what is going on. The must be so confused.<p>

Ethan walks into the interrogation room I have been sitting in for over an hour. I vaguely realize that there is a possibility that I am a suspect when he reads me my rights. I barely hear anything he is saying though. My thoughts are on finding out what really happened.

"Ste Hay…do you understand these rights as I have read them to you." He is still towering over me while I sit. I have watched enough police shows to realize that he is establishing his authority over me.

I however do not scare easily and get right down to business. "Yes…what happened."

He doesn't make eye contact. He just looks down at a piece of paper as if reading it. "We were hoping that you could tell us that." _So I am a suspect._

"I only just found out an hour ago that she was missing. I thought she was on vacation."

He jots that down on the paper. "Why did you come back to Hollyoaks, you've been gone for years, why now."

"I missed my kids." I say, trying to meet his eyes.

"Why would you come back when Amy was going on vacation."

He writes something down again. "I didn't know she was going on vacation." I am confused now, is he even writing what I am telling him.

"So you are telling me that it is a coincidence that Amy goes missing right as you decide to return."

"That is exactly what I am telling you." I am starting to feel annoyed.

"How did you know that Amy was on vacation." He asks still writing.

"There was a note in the house."

"And how did you get in the house."

"With _my_ house keys." I say as if he is an idiot.

He finally looks up, his eyes boring into mine. "Did you and Amy have a fight…did she tell you that you weren't allowed to see the kids, is that why you hurt her." _Hurt…Oh my god._

"NO…" I say with a little too much force. I clear my throat. It will not benefit me to get angry. "No, I haven't spoken to Amy in 2 years. I came back because I felt it was the right time and I was going to surprise them."

"So your telling me that after two years being gone, you were just going to show up and surprise them. You didn't consider calling? Wouldn't you think she had moved on since then? Why come back at all." His smile is cocky like he has sussed me out.

"I told you, I missed me kids." I say trying to remain calm. I have answered this same question over and over again.

"Ok for arguments sake lets say you did come back because you missed your kids." He stands up now and drags his chair over to mine. I flinch at the horrific sound it makes, like nails on a chalkboard. He gets right next to my face and asks, "If they were supposed to be back three days ago why wait. If you thought something was wrong why not report it."

I paused on that question. To tell you the truth, I didn't know why I didn't report it earlier. I suppose it's because for the past week I have done nothing but obsess about Brendan. That makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? It wasn't until today that I even realized that Amy was supposed to be back.

He gives me that knowing smile again. I want to slap it right off of his face. "Here's the way I see it Ste, something happened, maybe Amy told you you weren't allowed to see the kids or maybe she threatened you or maybe she just got on you nerves, and you snapped. I see in your file that she's reported abuse from you before."

_Shit._ "That was ages ago…I have gotten help since then. I would never hurt Amy. I love her. She is the mother of me kids."

"Is that so, Mr. Hay…because I have a source that tells me you were having an affair with Brendan Brady." I am shocked. How does he know about Brendan and I?

"I…I don't understand."

He looks me up and down dissecting me. "Are you denying that you and Mr. Brady had a sexual relationship?"

"I…no…well we…" I am stuttering now. I know enough to know that when you start stuttering you start to look guilty. I snap my mouth shut.

"Are you having an affair with Mr. Brady."

"Yes…well no…we were but that ended years ago. I don't see what this has to do with anything. I haven't seen him in years." I say firmly, that should put an end to this.

"So he wasn't at your flat last week?" _Fuck._ How does he know that?

"Well yes, but it's not like it sounds, nothing happened." I don't even believe myself.

"Did you and Mr. Brady conspire to kill Ms. Barnes?" I gasp. He said kill.

"What no, you've got it all wrong." I realize that I am starting to look really guilty.

"This is what I think happened Mr. Hay, you and Brendan had an affair, it ended bad so you left. Two years later you return, most likely to see your kids but things went wrong and Amy wouldn't let you. When you tried to reason with her she wasn't having any of it. So you enlist your lover or ex-lover to get her out of the picture."

"No…no, I would never hurt Amy…ever."

He leans in really closely to my face and I am reminded of when Brendan used to do this to me, before we ever got together. "I think we both know that that is not true Mr. Hay. Now think really hard before you answer this next question…where were you on the 12th of August?"

I rack my brain for an answer. _Where was I…shit…where was I?_

"Germany…" I blurt out. "I was in Germany, working, I was no where near Hollyoaks. You can ask my boss, he will tell you."

"Ok, I will need those contacts"

"Fine." He hands me a different piece of paper and I start writing down the numbers.

"One last thing Mr. Hay, we believe that Mr. Brady might have something. Something valuable, do you know anything about that?"

"No…like what?" He doesn't respond to me, he just takes the paper and heads out of the room.

"What about Lee…where is he." He turns and looks at me now. I notice that his demeanor changes. His eyes widen.

"Lee who."

"Lee Hunter, her boyfriend, they were going on vacation together. Where is he?" He doesn't answer he just slams the door behind him.

* * *

><p>After what felt like hours Ethan returns.<p>

"You are free to go, your alibi checks out." He looks distressed now. Definitely worried, almost scared.

He is making me nervous. "And what about Lee, did you find him, is he a suspect."

"Mr. Hay this is an open investigation and I can't tell you that."

"Did he kill her, did he fucking kill her, where is he…why haven't you arrested him." He puts a hand on my shoulder to calm me down but I don't. I scream. "Tell me something for fuck's sake. Anything. This is the mother of me kids!"

He sighs. "At this point Ste, Lee Hunter is also missing."

* * *

><p>As I walk through the village dazed, I am glad now that people are avoiding me. I don't much feel like talking to anyone. I have too many questions running through my head. Was Amy dead? Did Lee have anything to do with it? Who told Ethan about Brendan and I? And finally what exactly does Brendan have that the cops want?<p>

I feel the guilt rise through my body.

_I should have come back ages ago._


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry if it's a little disturbing...comments welcome.**

* * *

><p><strong>Declan's POV<strong>

**3 days ago**

I shot up straight in bed when I feel someone stir next to me. For a second I can't remember where I am. _Oh yeah, Ste's._

My phone is buzzing next to me. I look at the caller I.D. and feel a rush of excitement surge through my body. I have been waiting for this call.

I get up out of bed mindful not to wake Ste and walk to the living room. I have been staying at his house since the run-in with my dad. Little does Ste know that everything that has happened since he arrived has been planned. Everything.

"Hello," I say in a hushed tone.

"Hello my friend," my mate says with excitement. Since we met almost 2 years ago, he is the only person who I can really talk to. I have become accustomed to it so not hearing from him had me worried.

"Where have ye been, I've been waiting for you. I almost went to your flat. I am getting restless, when do we get to have some fun. I'm tired of being here." That is a lie, I have found great pleasure in fucking Ste, and exploring the lines between my sexuality. I could see the point in fucking him on a regular basis. He has an addictive quality about him. But deep down, there has always been that part of me that needed to cause someone pain, to punish them. Not because of some convoluted Psychological bullshit like, I hurt so I hurt others. It is so much more primitive than that. It is as if I was born to do this that I would not exist without it. That desire to hear someone beg for me to stop, to see the fear in their eyes, to feel them take their last breath. It is the thing that is essential to life. Like breathing. It makes me feel powerful. Turns me on, more than sex, more than anything else in this world.

So when my mate says, "Patience my friend, you know I have a job to do, _she_ is not going anywhere." I feel a sense of disappointment. It is not as if I hadn't been patient. From the moment I took her, I have been patient. It took everything in me not to make her suffer right there and then.

But my mate warned me against it. He said that without Amy, we don't have Ste and without Ste, we don't have my dad. "What if my dad doesn't give us what we want?" I ask.

"Oh don't you worry about that. Ste is his weakness and as long as we have him, your dad won't be a problem." He is right of course. I have seen the way my dad's heart broke the day Ste left. It would have been comical had it not been so utterly depressing. Dad tried so hard to hide it but everyone could see that he was dieing inside. I actually felt sorry for him but that is the price you pay for falling in love. And this is the price he pay's now for loving Ste, we will get back what's ours by any means.

"Listen mate, you need to disappear for a few days. We need Ste to go to Brendan now and he won't do that if you're around. I will plant the seed and watch it grow and he will lead us right to the treasure." I can't help but get excited. All of our calculating is about to pay off.

"And then we can have fun." My heart rate increases. My mate has assured me that when all this is over, Amy is mine.

"Then we can have fun Declan." I can hear his smile on the other end.

"Ok, when do I need to leave?"

"Now!"

* * *

><p><strong>4 Days Later<strong>

I am sitting in the hotel room that my mate paid for because at he moment I am homeless. My mom chucked me out for getting physical with her and if my dad got his hands on me he would kill me.

I am now here anticipating the return of my mate. He said that he had work stuff to take care of and would return in 3-4 days.

I often wonder how he holds it together so well. He has family and friends he keeps in touch with. A job that by it's very nature is contradictory to what we are doing here. And a career in killing that spans decades, since he was a kid torturing cats.

I on the other hand, have no one now. No job, no life. Except for this. I often wish that I could kill this desire inside of me. I have tried many times before, to go on the straight and narrow but it all becomes too much for me and I am once again at it's mercy.

I hear a knock on the door. The room is a mess, so I pick up what items are on the ground and go to answer the door. I have found out over the years that it is dangerous to not answer the door in a timely fashion or to leave things lying around, disorderly. My mate likes things a certain way and when they aren't he gets angry and you do not want to see him angry.

He pushes on the door hard and I almost fall over because of the impact. He slams the door hard and gets an inch away from my face. I feel my cock harden. Probably not the best time for this but the fear and the way he is so close to me is turning me on.

"Did you know about Lee?" He starts pacing. "You fucked up Declan." My face reads my confusion.

"What are you talking about, Lee who." I say. I honestly have no idea who Lee is. I try to search my brain for an answer but am quickly given one.

"Amy's fella, the guy she was going on vacation with." My stomach drops.

"How do you know that?"

He ignores my question and continues yelling. "Where the fuck is he Declan? You fucking fool, we need to ditch the girl and fast." I can see his mind working a mile a minute. He is trying to figure a way out of this. But it doesn't make any sense.

I was there and there was no one else. I did everything exactly to the T. I know he wasn't there. "No…no…there was no one there…I did everything right. I promise. I wouldn't let you down. I would never let you down."

"So tell me what happened to her boyfriend then, what if he saw you Declan. That would be the end of this, the end of us." He runs a hand through my hair and I feel my cock twitch. We have never done anything sexual before but I can kind of see the point in it now. He is attractive in a way I never noticed before.

I again try to persuade him to see sense. "No…he didn't see me…he couldn't have. If he saw me why wouldn't he have told someone? Wouldn't he have come forward?" His hands fall to his sides and I can see that he is realizing what I am saying makes sense.

"Yeah…yeah you're right." He sits on the bed and gestures me over. "We need to be more careful Declan, I don't want this to end, do you?"

"Of course not, I don't know what I'd do without you." He is looking at me intently and I can't help but get excited. Everything about us is so intense I feel like I might explode from the thrill of it all.

"So…what do we do now?" He say's smiling.


	15. Chapter 15

Brendan's POV

I spent the next few days talking to people around the village, asking them if they'd seen my son around with anyone. When they asked why I said he'd fallen in with the wrong crowd and I wanted to know who it was. It was partly the truth anyway. I almost thought to tell them to mind their own fucking business, but some people don't respond too well to that so I went with my kid is in trouble. They were polite enough to my plight but said they hadn't seen him around much and a few didn't even know I had a son.

My frustration continued to grow the more I realized that people had no idea what was going on in this village and walked around as if nothing was wrong in the world. They acted as if Amy Barnes hadn't been abducted and likely raped and murdered. They just didn't know that this crowd my son fell into was likely into raping and murdering young girls like Amy and for some reason had set there sights on Stephan. _My Stephan. _The only reason I could conclude is that I had something they wanted. Only I don't know what that is. Money, drugs, an all expense paid trip to the Bahamas. I have no idea.

The more I thought about it, I began to wonder if Stephan's coming home was even an accident. I mean it had been two years since I last saw him. He had spent that entire time evading me like the plague. I spent nearly all the money I had just to find him without any luck and then suddenly he just decides it's time to come home, without any rhyme or reason. Something about that doesn't make sense. I know Stephan. He would have stayed away forever just to make a point. _Stubborn little ass._ I had planned on asking him why after all this time he decided to come back but I ruined it and lost my cool with Declan. So, here I am trying to protect this boy from god knows who and he won't even talk to me. There's some irony in there.

I don't have too much time to dwell on it though because I run into baby cop and he is all too happy to take me down to the station to answer some 'routine question'. I am about to deny his offer and tell him something sarcastic like 'I didn't know they let the baby cops out after dark' but I decide against it and figure while he's trying to get information out of me, I will get information out of him.

He takes me into the interrogation room and walks right back out. The mood is set perfectly. The bright lights that shine down cause me to have to squint, the heat blowing from the vents causes a bead of sweat to drop down from my brow and the metal furniture that is so uncomfortable causes me stand instead and pace the room. All these devices are used to make me feel uncomfortable and they do. My mind wanders back to the last time I was in this room, when I was being questioned for Jenny/Bex and India's murders. I of course did not commit those two murders but it almost felt poetic to be accused of them. Like finally justice had prevailed. Only it hadn't and eventually they had to let me go. Still to this day the thoughts of Danny haunt me.

Ethan walks in after a few minutes and asks, "Nervous Brady." He smiles at me slyly as if he has just figured me out.

"Oh no baby cop, just wondering when ye were gonna grace me with yeh're presence. My life is complete now." My voice is dripping with ridicule and I have to laugh at hilarity of the situation I have found myself in.

He on the other hand does not find it funny. "Sit down," he points to the metal chair. I take a seat a shift uncomfortably.

He sits opposite me. "How do you know Amy Barnes?" I guess we are getting right down to business.

"She is the mother of one of my ex-employees kids." I answer honestly. This of course will be the only honest answer he will get.

"How did you and Ms. Barnes get on?"

"Oh we were besties, she and I." He ignores my sarcasm and continues with his questioning.

"Mr. Brady, you do realize that Ms. Barnes is missing, don't you? If you do not cooperate, I may have to believe you were involved." Well that definitely will not do.

"Amy and I did not speak to each other." That of course is a lie, Amy and I have had plenty of conversations but that is not relevant to her missing.

"Why is that?"

"We ran in different circles." True. I tend to stay away from the pretentious college types. However, Amy and I have one huge thing in common.

"But isn't it true that you were very close with her kids father at one point, Ste Hay." I eye his closely. _What does he mean by that?_

I decide to lie. There is no way that he can know about us. "Stephan and I were never friends, he was my employee and I was his boss." There is no need for baby cop to know about the relationship between Stephan and I. That is my business.

"Do you sleep with all your employees, Mr. Brady?" I feel the wind being knocked out of my chest as if Ethan has just laid the lethal shot to my ribs. I almost lose my defenses but I have become very good a holding my poker face.

I stand up now and ball my hands into fists. "That's ridiculous, who told ye that."

"Mr. Hay." I am stunned into silence now. So they have talked to Stephan. He knows. I fight the urge to run to him and to hold him so tightly to take the pain away.

"Stephan…" is all that I manage to muster. He must be dying inside. I can almost hear him crying. Feel him sobbing beneath me. I want to take his pain away but I have to get out of here first. "…I don't know what that lads been telling ye but that is crazy, me a queer." I let out a sort of cackle that ranges somewhere between demented and manic.

"Well that _lad_ has told me a lot of things. Now what I'm curious about is how Ms. Barnes fits into the picture." I don't know whether to feel incredibly furious at Stephan for blabbing or concerned that he now knows that Amy is missing and what the aftermath of that will be.

Ethan continues and I realize my first lie is about to be uncovered. "I know that Amy came to see you 3 weeks ago at your club." I feel my façade beginning to crack. How does he know that? I don't even think that Stephan knows that information. The only people who would know that are Amy, me and…_Declan_.

Without thinking I ask, "Have ye been speaking to Declan. Did he tell ye that?" That question has made him visibly uneasy. He shifts in his chair and is no longer making eye contact with me.

"Mr. Brady, what did you and Amy speak about at the club." He continues to avoid my eyes. I can tell that he had not anticipated this part. His façade is beginning to unravel as well.

I answer his question. "She told me she was going out of town and to tell her if Stephan returned home, Declan was there too." I see his lip twitch as I say his name again. To the untrained eye it would go unnoticed but I am looking at him intently enough to see his nervousness about my son. What I can't understand is _why_ the mention of my son is making him so uncomfortable.

I conclude from this that they must have they're eye on Declan. But I decide that it is best not to give away the information I have on my son. Even if they can arrest Declan, there is still someone else out there who knows where Stephan is and I can't let anything happen to him.

"I think I've answered yeh're questions sufficiently DC Scott, now are you going to charge me with something." I stand up now and head for the door.

"One last question Mr. Brady…" He stands up too and grabs something out of his folder.

"Have you ever seen this before?" I look at the picture of necklace, mindful not giving anything away.

"…nope, never seen it." Only I have seen it before. It is the same necklace I found in my sons bedroom all those years back.

As I walk out the doors of the police station, I wonder what exactly do the police know.

* * *

><p>I hurriedly run back to Chez Chez.<p>

I have just found a way to end this.

When I am up the stairs my barmaid yells something at me but I don't listen. I rush past her throw the office door open and am frozen still by what I see.


	16. Chapter 16

**Ste's POV**

After leaving the police station I have concluded that Brendan is the key to all my questions.

The police obviously believe that Brendan is somehow involved in Amy's disappearance or has some sort of information.

And what valuable thing does Brendan have and can it be used as leverage to find out what happened to Amy?

Knowing Brendan, if it is something expensive, he is not going to give it up easily. The very thought of that turns my stomach. He may know what happened to Amy but he selfishly won't give it up because of some money.

As I continue to think about it, I steadily grow more enraged at this notion and decide that I will get the answers one way or another.

I know that Brendan will never willingly tell me what he knows. He is a master manipulator and he will go to any lengths to stay one step ahead of everyone especially if it involves money. Amy be damned. I however have a soul and will also go to any lengths to protect my family. If he is hiding something, I will find out.

The best way to get answers out of Brendan is to do some digging. I decide to go looking in the club first.

I know that Brendan is not there because I have spent the better part of the morning watching him and just saw him walk away with Ethan. It is now or never.

I take the long journey up the stairs of Chez Chez. Just as I did almost 3 years ago when I confronted Brendan about killing Danny Houston.

I figure that Brendan will be preoccupied for about an hour give or take. That gives me enough time to get into his office, break into his safe and find out what he knows. _Easy enough right?_

When I reach the landing I hope that Rhys or any of the other employees I might know aren't there. It will be simple enough to make up a lie to someone new but lieing to the people who know me might be trickier. They may have too many questions or want to chit chat and I want to make it in and out without being noticed.

I am in luck. It is a barmaid I have never met before. I saunter up to the bar and give her my best smile. She smiles back cheerfully, "Hiya love, what can I get you."

"Oh no…thanks. Actually I have an appointment with Mr. Brady." I put on my best professional voice and stand up straight. People tend to see me as a young kid but I need this bird to see me as an adult. Someone worthy of big shot Brendan Brady's time. She eyes me carefully. Shit this is never going to work, time for plan B. Her features finally relax and I can see that she has bought my story.

"Oh love, I'm so sorry, he just called round about 10 minutes ago and said he'd be in late today." She frowns slightly as if she's had to have this conversation with many others before. I suppose she's waiting for me to kick off at her for Brendan's tardiness.

I smile at her instead. "That's alright…I can wait." She starts smiling again, probably because it is a rare occurrence that anyone associated with Brendan, is ever nice to her. I use that to my advantage.

"Ok love, would you like a drink, on the house, while you wait." She say's keenly.

I grab my phone and hold it up to her. "Actually I have to make a few phone calls, do you think I could wait in Mr. Brady's office, where it is quieter."

"Umm…" She looks around the bar for guidance. "Well…" I don't allow her to finish her sentence.

"Thanks!" I call out to her and head towards the office.

Once inside with the door closed, I close my eyes and allow my mind to wander to the last time I was here.

I recall the fear and the utter despair I felt at the realization that Brendan was never going to change.

Quickly I bring myself back into reality. I need to remember why I am here and memory lane is not that reason.

Brendan knows something and soon I will know it to.

I spot the painting that hangs on the wall. I know, from spending countless hours in this office, that the safe is behind there.

"You can do this." I say to myself and continue the mantra in my head.

I start pressing numbers into the safe.

Brendan's birthday: denied

Declan's Birthday: denied

Padrig's Birthday: denied

…

* * *

><p>Half an hour later I have just about resigned to my fate. My fingers are numb from all the key pushing and I have tried every set of number's that I could possibly think of. This isn't going to work.<p>

Did I really think Brendan's combination would be something as lame as his birthday? He certainly isn't thick. Knowing him, he probably changes it every hour. He's dead paranoid.

My attention is diverted by the sound of buzzing. I pick up my phone off the desk and look down to see that Declan is calling. I press ignore. Staring into my phone, I decide to try one more set of numbers.

I type in the last possible combination I can think of. _Not likely but what the hell._

_7837426_.

To my surprise the safe opens up.

I jump up and down and pump my fists in the air as if I'd just won the marathon. My body is taken over by tiny giggles and I laugh at the ridiculousness of myself.

When my excitement finally dies down I begin to explore the contents in the safe.

First I pull out some papers, nothing too exciting some contracts and such. Next I pull out an envelope with cash, thousands by the look of it. _Not what you came for._ I place the envelope back in the safe and continue my search.

I feel around some more and my hand rests on a heart-shaped necklace. I pick it up and admire it. Pretty, looks expensive, like something you'd buy for a bird. Surely Brendan has not gone back to dating women. He's not that pathetic.

With further inspection I notice something odd, a crack down the middle as if it is broken. I pull on it and it comes apart. My heart starts pounding because it looks like I have broken the thing but as I examine it closer, I notice that this is not a necklace at all but a USB flash drive. _Hmm,_ _This looks promising._ I pocket it and continue my search.

Under all the paper's, I notice something else...a picture…of me. It's old, tattered at the edges. Amy took it several years back, I remember begging her to throw it away because I looked like such a nerd but she said I looked happy…and that I _am_ a nerd.

Why does Brendan have this? Surely he has not been holding onto this picture as some sort of momento...because he misses me.

I mean I knew that he was searching for me, Declan told me that much, but I just figured that it was his sick way of gaining back his control over me. Like I was his property.

I had never really bothered to think that he had been searching for me all this time because he missed me and possibly wanted to make things right.

I don't have time to dwell on this too much because at that moment I hear the barmaid yell, "Bren there's someone waiting for you in your office…young lad, cute…he said you two had…"

So much for getting out unnoticed, I stuff all the contents back into the safe and put the picture back in place mere seconds before the door flies open.

Brendan stands in front of me with a look of complete shock on his face.

After it wears off he takes a step towards me. I instinctively take a step back.

I can't tell from his expression what his reaction to my being there is. He could very well beat the shit out of me for intruding. He continues to walk forward and I backwards until I am backed against the wall. Panic starts to course through my veins and the memory of what he did to me all those years back seeps back into my mind.

He raises his hand and I flinch when puts it to my face. He then traces his thumb down my throat.

"Yeh're here," he says not taking his eyes off me. I am frozen in place partly by terror and partly by confusion. His actions seem so tender.

The nosy barmaid then interrupts us and I use it as an opportunity to put some distance between us. I walk to the middle of the office, where, if escape is imminent I will be able to do so.

The barmaid addresses Brendan, "He said you two had an appointment, is that ok." She eyes us both carefully. She is confused by the tension between us. I don't blame her. It is as thick as glass in this room. She should get out while she can.

"It's fine." He says gesturing her to leave.

She however misses his cue and stays put. She then addresses me. "Are you from around here love. I think I've seen you before. Bren, he looks so familiar." I can see her brain working in overtime to piece it together.

"Sort of," is all that I can muster up.

Something finally clicks in her head and she blurts out without thinking, "Oh yeah, you're that bloke Bren has a pic…"

"Get out." Brendan screams at her with wild dangerous eyes. She jolts and quickly leaves the room.

I take that as my cue to retreat as well but as I brush past him he grabs hold of my hand.

Not in a way that screams 'you're not going anywhere' but in a way that says 'please don't leave'. I stare at him as his eyes plead with me.

"Stay…please," he whispers and I do because something in my heart won't let me leave. My head however is telling me to run, that this was not the plan that I'm meant to stay away from Brendan, that when I left 2 years ago it was meant to be forever.

But standing here while he holds onto my hand desperately I can't find any reason to go now. I walk back into the office and he closes the door behind us.

He has finally let go of my hand but stays in close enough proximity, just in case I do a runner.

Finally I get back some of my resolve and remember why I am really here, "I need some answers Brendan."

He sighs. "What do ye want to know Stephan?"

"Do you know anything about Amy's disappearance?" He advances on my as if to provide me with some sort of comfort but I hold my hand up to prevent any sort of contact. It messes with my head when he touches me.

He shrugs. "No." I know that is a lie. I let out a saddened sigh. What did I expect, that Brendan had changed? That suddenly he would be honest with me. _I am a fool._

"You know what Brendan, I don't need you, I've got all the information I need and I'll find Amy myself." I pass him again and grab of the door handle, his face suddenly changes into something like panic and he grips my shoulders tightly.

"Listen to me Stephan, this is dangerous and I don't want ye involved. Leave it with me, I will take care of everything." He touches his thumb to my throat again and I am momentarily lulled back into submission. But then I snap back into reality when I remember that this is about Amy, the mother of me kids.

"NO, you listen to me Brendan, if you aren't gonna help me, then I will find someone who will, maybe Declan." Again I see the panic in him, his eyes go wide and his hands ball into fists.

"Stay away from him Stephan." He says seriously.

"Why," I say deciding to push a little.

"He's dangerous." As if that explanation will suffice. He has obviously forgotten that I do not let things go so easily.

"Why," I ask again.

He lets out an annoyed huff and starts pacing. "Stephan, why do ye have to be so difficult, can't ye just trust me."

I scoff at that. Trust. Trust. Seriously. "That's the thing Brendan, I don't trust you, you've lied to me so many times that…that, look you either tell me the truth or I will find someone who will." I wait a few seconds and then resign that that is all the information I am going to get out of him.

I head back out the door and make it to the middle of the club just before two arms wrap around my waist like a vice grip. I let out a load humph by the sheer force of his grip. Brendan pulls me into him so my back is flush against his stomach and doesn't let go.

The club goers have stopped talking and all eyes are on us now. It is making me uncomfortable and my face turns a deep shade of red at the attention that has fallen upon us.

Brendan however doesn't seem to notice or doesn't care and whispers into my ear, "I'll tell you everything…please just don't leave me again."

I spin around to face him and see the pain and fear etched all over his face. He drops his arms finally and silently begs me to stay.

I turn back around, walk away from him to the edge of the stairs and stop. When I look at him again, he looks distraught. He thinks I am have decided to leave. Which I have.

"Let's go back to yours," I say and gesture him to come with me.

* * *

><p>The short walk to Brendan's flat is done in complete silence. What hangs in the air is unspoken apologies, love declarations and fear.<p>

When we are inside, Brendan puts on the kettle and busies himself in the kitchen. It is almost cute to watch. _He is nervous._

He brings us our tea and we both sit in silence sipping it. After a few more minutes of silence and awkward glances towards each other, I finally get up the nerve to speak.

"I need to know everything Brendan."

* * *

><p>An hour later I feel thoroughly exhausted. I have cried, screamed, lashed out and collapsed at the sheer horror of what he has just told me.<p>

But it is the last thing that he told me that is killing me. That he believes that Declan and his accomplice are somehow involved in Amy's disappearance. I feel physically sick. _I slept with him._

I sit on the couch sobbing into my hands when I feel warm arms encase my body. I try to push him off of me but am too weak to put up any real fight.

My sobs continue as he pulls me into him tighter.

"Do you think Amy is dead?" I ask, in between sniffles.

He lets go of me and I feel instantly cold. "I don't know Stephan."

"What are we going to do then, about Declan and this other bloke?"

"_We_ aren't doing anything. _I_ will take care of it. I don't want ye involved."

"I am involved Brendan, if they have done anything to Amy, I will kill them."

"No Stephan, ye are all yeh're kids have left now. Ye need to stay safe. I will take care of it." He makes a valid point. Amy is gone, possibly dead and I _am_ it.

"Ok, what are _you_ going to do?" At that moment my phone starts buzzing. I look down and feel bile rise to my throat. Declan is calling me. I press ignore again and see that I have 5 missed calls all from him. He has also text me.

_I'm back. D xox_

_Where are you? D x_

_I'm waiting at your flat. D_

_Ste, I'm worried please call. This is Declan._

"Who was that?" Brendan asks peering over at my phone.

I put it back in my pocket before he can see anything. "Just Mike…calling about the kids." Yeah I lie.

I know that with this new information Declan is my key to finding Amy. _If she's still alive._ And with Brendan's temper, especially when it comes to Declan, he can blow the whole thing and I can't take any chances. I think I will have better luck persuading Declan to give up Amy then Brendan would if he goes in there threatening him.

Brendan cuts into my thoughts. "Ye should go and be with them. Get out of town, so ye will be safe. I will take care of everything."

"Yeah, your probably right. What are you gonna do then?" I pretend to be interested but I am anything but. I have already concocted a plan of my own. Declan won't see what's coming.

"I don't know yet. I think I have something they want." My interest peaks.

"What it is that then, money?" I would never be able to pay Declan off. Maybe it is better to let Brendan sort this.

"Some sort of necklace, I took it from Declan a while back. I don't know why it's important but I think it's what they want." _Perfect._

I stick my hand into my pocket and feel for the piece of jewelry I had stolen from his safe earlier. It is still there. _Ok, time to go._ "Ok then…so… so I'm gonna go then…to see the kids, yeah me kids." I say awkwardly.

"Ok…" He stands up and walks me to the door. "Stephan…" He looks nervously down at his feet. "When all this is over, will you…will you come back…to Hollyoaks, I mean."

I hadn't really considered that. When I returned a little over a week ago my plan had always been to return back to Germany.

But so much has happened since then. Truthfully, I didn't know if I would come back, if I even could. If it turns out that Amy really is gone, I don't think I could handle being here anymore. So I answer him honestly, "I don't know Brendan."

He shakes his head as if he understands but his eyes say anything but.

"Ok, well bye then." I say. I can feel his sadness seeping through his pores but I don't have time to comfort him. Declan is at my flat right now and he is my only chance of getting Amy back.

"Bye Stephan," he whispers.

I turn and leg it down the road.

* * *

><p>As I make my way back to the council flats, I prepare myself to do whatever it takes.<p>

_Whatever it takes. _


	17. Chapter 17

**Declan chapter...kinda creepy. You've been warned!**

* * *

><p><strong>Declan's POV<strong>

**1 and half years ago.**

I pace.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Consuming all the energy I have while making these heavy steps, like a pressure valve about to explode.

I watch Ruby Button talking with her friends and from the darkness of the alleyway I can see her laughing away, like she hasn't got a care in the world. Like she hasn't just humiliated me in front of everybody.

_Stupid bitch._ She thinks she runs this village. She thinks that she can do or say whatever the hell she wants and nobody will do any thing about it.

I should teach her a lesson.

But what am I supposed to do about it, really, so she embarrassed me, I'd never hit a woman.

Would I?

_You gotta stand up for yourself in this world Declan, the minute a man shows a moment of weakness, he is finished._ My father's words bleed into my thoughts.

He is right. Ruby Button is nothing, the scum of the earth and I should stand up for myself.

However, my dad also told me that you never hit a woman, no matter what.

So why is it that with every fiber of my body all I want to do is beat that smug smile right off her face.

I have never considered myself to be a violent person, but in this instance, I could see the point.

Anger is pulsating through my veins. It feels as though my skin is on fire. My eyes narrow in on Ruby and I clench my fists so tightly that my hands begin to go numb.

I should go and show her that I am no one to mess with. I'm Brendan Brady's kid for fucks sake. He has never backed down, he uses violence and threats and cruelty to show that he is a hard man. Why couldn't I be like that? No one ever messes with my dad.

_But I am not my dad. _

He is extreme and brutal and will hurt you just for looking at him wrong. He has a sort of moral code that is questionable and I have never envisioned myself to be the sort of man he is.

_You never hit a woman, Declan._

Why not dad? Why are women so special?

He acts as though they are some weak, fragile possession he needs to protect. He is the epitome of what it means to be a hypocrite. Not hitting women because they are weak, well what about Ste. I just watched him nearly beat the shit out of him and tell me he _had_ to because he is weak.

_Hypocrite._

Maybe my dad's set of morals aren't the ones I want to follow, but am I really willing to hit a woman just to prove a point.

Probably not.

I finally admit defeat and turn to leave with my tail between my legs when I collide into someone.

"Hello," he says. I squint trying to adjust my eyes.

He is smiling at me so strangely that I feel uneasy about being so close to this stranger. "Hi…" I force out as I try to squeeze by him but he blocks my path.

"Are you really gonna let that bitch talk to you that way?"

When my eyes finally adjust to the darkness, I catch sight of his face. I recognize him straight away, this is curious. Shouldn't he be on the other side, discouraging me from doing anything stupid? Maybe he's testing me.

"I don't know what ye mean, sir." The pounding in my heart distracts me. He is actually quite scary in this dimly lit alleyway.

He brings his face close to mine. "I think Declan…" My breath quickens. He knows my name. " …that you should make her pay for talking to you like that."

Although my body is tense with unease and I can feel my flight or fight reflex bubbling to the surface, my desire to know what he means by that ensures that I don't move a muscle.

"How?" I ask curiously.

He gestures for me to come in closer, so I do. "I'll show you…" He whispers.

* * *

><p>And he does show me.<p>

After we have done what we have done to her, he tells me to go back to my dad's and to say nothing. He has assured me that Ruby never saw our faces and that we will be safe.

But I panic.

When I run back home to the safety of my father's flat I can still vividly picture what we have done to her. I can still piercingly hear her cries. I can still smell her as she perspired with fear. I can still feel her body tense as she realized what was about to happen to her.

It is my first time and the repulsiveness of what I have just done overwhelms me.

I am just shy of the flat when my stomach muscles begin to tighten and my mouth waters. Vomit invades my throat and I throw up all over the street.

When I reach the flat, I am trembling and clearly distressed, but strangely feeling more powerful than I had ever felt in my life. Somewhere along the line, the repulsiveness gives way and the gratification creeps in.

My dad helped clean up my mess but he couldn't hide the disgust on his face.

I reminded him however that he and I aren't so different. He beat Ste senseless because he crossed the line and I raped Ruby because she did the same.

He made me promise that I would never do it again, that it was a one-time deal out of anger and I did, to put his mind at ease.

But deep down I knew that once I got a taste of it, I would never be the same again. That despite trying, I could never go back to a normal life.

Shortly after I returned to Dublin determined to go back to the life I had before.

* * *

><p>A month later I returned to the village. And when I saw him, I knew that was it. I willed my body to turn and walk away, to fulfill the promise that I made to my dad but I couldn't.<p>

There was a silent pull drawing me to this man, an unbearably strong awareness that him and I were now connected for life, that fighting it would be futile.

Standing face to face for the first time in a month felt like being whole again and I again felt the anticipation and excitement of what we were going to do next.

He wasn't even surprised to see me. I suppose he knew I would be back.

"For your first time." He said. Holding up an incredibly girly necklace.

I must have pulled a face because he leaned in close and said, "Think of it as trophy, for knocking that girl down a peg or two, and whenever you look at it, you will always remember that you were the one who did that to her."

I carefully take hold of the necklace and examine it. The power it yields is profound and I know without a doubt that I want to feel this power again and again.

I notice straight away that this isn't a necklace. I pull it apart and observe it. "It's a USB port, you know…to save files and such."

"Hmm, That's interesting…keep it safe Declan. We can find good use out of that." I didn't know what he meant at the time but eventually we did find good use of it.

* * *

><p>That is how we came to be at the place we are now. A few weeks before Ste's arrival, I tear through my room looking for it. It holds all of our secrets, all of them.<p>

I have pulled apart every inch of my room when my dad appears in the doorway. "Looking for something son," His expression is blank and I can't tell whether he knows what I am looking for.

"Just something I misplaced dad, nothing important."

"Well Declan…you leave stuff lying around and anyone's bound to find it, aren't they? You wouldn't want you _keepsakes_ ending up in the wrong hands, now would you?"

_FUCK. He knows. _

Luckily my dad is technologically challenged, all he knows now is that I have kept a necklace with the initials RB. There is no way that he has figured out that that necklace is actually an electronic device holding the key to all my secrets.

But the longer he has it, the more likely he is to find out.

So we devise a plan. I take Amy, I get Ste back home and I give my dad the chance to give it back to us before someone gets hurt.

I suppose Amy didn't really need to be part of the plan, Ste would have sufficed, since I know that dad would do anything for him, but I wanted her. She was a bonus.

Now that everyone is right where we want them to be, our plan is in full swing.

* * *

><p><strong>Present<strong>

"So…what do we do know?" He say's smiling.

He is testing me and I will not fail. "Now, we make sure that everything goes according to plan."

"Right…you need to go back to Hollyoaks. Ste will be waiting for you and you need to keep him away from Brendan."

"And what about Lee?"

"I will look into it…right now we need that necklace back, it is the one thing that can implicate both of us."

"Right…and what about Amy." I smile wickedly. I can myself salivating at the prospects of what we can do.

"Amy stays put…" He say's firmly. He can see the immoral ideas playing out in my head. "Once we have what we want, she is all yours Declan, I promise."

* * *

><p>I bang on Ste's door. It has been three days since I saw him and what I expected to find has not been the reality.<p>

I had expected him to be at home crying, wallowing in self-pity, blaming himself for not coming back sooner.

I know that he has found out about Amy and per the plan, I am going to be his shoulder to cry on.

Once he is vulnerable, we will strike and the only way my dad will ever see him alive is if we get what is ours.

However he is not home.

_Curious. I wonder where he is._

I pick up my phone and dial his number. It rings and rings and rings.I send him at text and wait. Nothing.

After half an hour, five missed calls and four texts later I am thoroughly worried. What if we've been found out? I am about to call my mate and tell him we've been made when I see Ste running towards his flat.

He is breathless. "I'm sorry…uh…I just got your message." There is something different about him, an edge to his voice. I suppose it's because finding out about Amy that would put anyone on edge.

I lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Where have ye been?"

He shrugs out of my hold and pushes the door open. "Lets go inside, we can talk in there." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Something is wrong.

He paces the flat back and forth. I go to touch him again but he pushes me off of him. "Don't you dare touch me, Declan."

I can see his face now and he is spitting mad. _Fuck. _

"I have what you are looking for," he says.

"What do you mean," I ask. There is no way he knows, my dad would never get him involved.

"You are going to take me to Amy, then you can get this back." He holds up the necklace that I have been searching for, the necklace I thought was in my dad's possession. My stomach drops, does he know what it really is.

"You're going to take me to Amy because if you don't…" He pulls the necklace apart showing me that he in fact does know what it is, "…because if you don't, I will take this to the police."

I take a step forward. By my calculations, I have about 4 inches on Ste and about 20 pounds. I could just overpower him and this would be all over.

He senses danger and makes it a point to let me know, "I gave a copy to your dad and if anything happens to me, prison will be the least of your worries…he will kill you." He smiles as if he has got me right where he wants me.

I smile too. He has made a fatal mistake. I know for a fact that my dad does not know that Ste is here. My dad knows who I really am and if he knew, he certainly wouldn't have let his precious 'Stephan' out of his sight.

So that means that Ste stole the necklace off my dad and is going to try to play hero.

That also means that Ste is most likely bluffing. If my dad really did have a copy of the files, he would be here, not Ste. Which leads me to believe that my dad doesn't have a clue that Ste is here with me.

That works for me.

"Ok, I'll take you to her." His face reveals his arrogance, like he has already won this game. He probably thinks he's safe. Well little does he know that he just made this thing whole lot easier.

I will take him to Amy.

That was always part of the plan.

* * *

><p><strong>Would love to know what you think!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**I've been staring at this for a few weeks now, so I hope that it makes sense.**

* * *

><p><strong>Ste's POV<strong>

I feel uneasy about this right from the start.

It was almost too simple.

I thought that there might be a struggle. I thought that Declan might try and threaten me, or manipulate me or even try to reach an ultimatum.

But there was none of that. He said ok, just like that.

From what Brendan told me, he is not a force to be reckoned with and coming from him that say's a lot.

There is also someone else out there, so I have to be careful.

But I leave common sense by the wayside and follow him down the dark road towards town.

We walk in silence but I have a weird sense that Declan isn't worried. Surely he should be scared of his dad.

Fuck, Brendan scares the shit out of me.

But the way he is confidently strolling down the street makes me uncomfortable, like he doesn't have a care in the world.

I look around the village it is nearing 4 in the morning and it is eerily quit. I don't see a soul.

No one knows where I am. I suddenly feel an importance to let someone know where I am going.

_Shit._

Why didn't I tell Brendan?

I reach into my pocket, searching for my phone. I didn't bring it. Wow, I really am thick sometimes.

"Declan, where are you taking me." I ask nervously.

He continues walking turning slightly towards. "It's not much further Ste, ye want to see Amy right? Then follow me." His calmness is unsettling.

I stop abruptly, this doesn't feel right.

I become acutely aware that there may be someone else out there, following us.

My better judgment has finally kicked in and I sense that I am in trouble.

Declan keeps looking around as if waiting for someone. And when I hear something in the shadows, I take that as an opportunity to turn run.

I make it only few meters before I am close lined by someone. I hit the ground with a thud, clutching my throat, gasping for air.

A shadow appears in front of me and in the darkness of the night I can't make out his face.

"Hello Ste…"

I scramble to move but before I have a chance a cloth covers my mouth.

In the distance I think I can hear my name, he is screaming for me.

"Brendan," I whisper…

Then darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>Brendan's POV<strong>

As I watch Stephan walk out of my flat, I feel a bit of relief but also of regret.

I want to keep him safe and now I know he will be. It is safest for him to be away from here.

But I can't help but regret what has happened between us. There is still a possibility that he might just take the kids away from this all and we won't be able to unravel what is left of us.

I just have to hope that a part of him can't let go of us as well.

But now is not the time to dwell on us. Now it is the time to get down to business.

I have no intention of giving Declan back what he wants.

Now that he has fucked with Stephan there is no turning back. I no longer have any qualms about what I have to do to him.

Declan is a threat, come prison or death he will be out of mine and Stephan's lives, for good.

There is also the mystery of who is his accomplice. That is what scares me the most at least with Declan I know he is a threat.

Whoever this other man is, he is still out there and at this very moment could be watching Stephan right now, lurking in the shadows waiting to make his next move.

I need both of them to go down and fast. And when they do, then…then I can win Stephan back.

But first things first.

I walk back to the club where my staff falls quiet when I arrive. It is late and the club is closed now. I was hoping they would have cleared out by now.

No use though, my current staff is useless. I miss the old days when Stephan was around and god forbid I say it, I even wish Jacqui and Rhys were still here. At the very least, they knew to keep out of my business.

"What was that about earlier," my nosey barmaid asks reiterating my earlier thoughts.

She really doesn't know when to keep her nose out, does she?

"None of yeh're business, get back to work." I walk past everyone back into my office.

When inside I take the opportunity to breath again.

_He didn't say no._

I knew that if he ever came back I would do everything in my power to make him stay.

A new rush of excitement floods over me at the possibility. He could be mine again, after this is all over.

I open the safe and pull out the cash and dump it onto the table. I then take out the contracts and the picture of Stephan. I can't help but smile as I stare at it.

After a moment I remember what I am supposed to be looking for. I feel around in the safe and…nothing.

I start to panic when I have pulled apart every inch of that office, thinking that I might have just misplaced it, but it's not there.

Oh my god…No.

The first thought that runs through my head is that somehow Declan got in here and stole it. That was my only leverage.

But when and how would he get in here without my knowledge.

And why would he be after Stephan still if he had it.

My second thought is that Declan's accomplice but again why would they need Stephan. They would already have what they want. And surely Declan knows that there is nothing I won't do for Stephan.

"Sarah…" I yell for my barmaid.

"Did you let anyone in my office without my knowledge?" She looks down at the floor, guilty.

I knew it. Stupid bitch, I'll remember to fire her later. "Who?" I say through gritted teeth. Fuck. One of them has it.

"That bloke."

I move in so that our faces are nearly touching. "What bloke Sarah?"

She cowers away and say's biting back tears, "That bloke you left with…"

It takes me a minute to register what she is saying. But when I do my stomach drops.

"Stephan…" I say.

No…he wouldn't do this.

No God.

Why would he do this?

I told him I would take care of it.

Fear sets in and I feel the overwhelming need to get a hold of him. I'm probably overreacting but I just need to know.

I grab my phone and remember that I don't have his phone number anymore.

"FUCK." I slam the phone down.

"What's wrong Brendan," my barmaid asks.

It is very clear to her that I am in a panic.

I ignore her and make my way out of the club and to his flat.

On my journey over there I begin to realize that I have been played.

I mean why was Stephan there in the first place.

He wasn't speaking to me three days earlier. In fact, he said he never wanted to see me again, that I am the dangerous one.

Then he just suspiciously turns up at the club, in my office with the door closed.

But how…how could he get into the safe, it's got a code. There is no way that he could have known the…

I bring my hands to my face out of sheer embarrassment.

I am an idiot, a prat. Of course he figured out the code.

It is his name after all.

Our earlier conversation comes flooding back into my mind.

_"I __think __I __have __something __they __want."_

_"What __is __that __then, __money?"_

_"Some sort of necklace, I took it from Declan a while back. I don't know why it's important but I think it's what they want."_

That little shit. He tricked me.

He had what they wanted the whole time. He just needed me to confirm it.

The realization inundates my mind that at this moment Stephan is probably with Declan walking into a trap.

I run the rest of the way to his flat.

The door is unlocked and I immediately sense that I am too late.

But I look around anyway and pray for Stephan to be sat there yelling at me for my intrusion, but there is no evidence of life.

_That stupid boy. _

Why did he do this…why would he put himself in danger like this?

I am meant to protect him. After everything that has happened between us, does he not see that at the very least I will always protect him?

I push away thoughts that say I could never protect him from me though.

Things are different now.

I know what it's like to not have Stephan in my life. The lonely days and unbearable nights spent without him. For two years, I felt the inescapable pain of having pushed away the one person that I've ever truly felt anything for.

I would sooner die than live through that again.

I have to find him.

* * *

><p>When I head back to the village, it is nearing 4 and the streets are quiet, with not a soul in sight.<p>

They couldn't have gotten far if they are on foot.

"Stephan," I scream. "Stephan…"

I can just make out two shadows on the other side of the village. I run as fast as I can hoping that it is him.

When I reach the figures, it is only Doug and that stupid girl Texas. By the way they are nearly toppling over each other, it is clear they have had one too many.

"Doug…Doug," I say panting, out of breath. "Have ye seen Stephan?" He looks at me with clouded eyes and then at Texas, they both burst into laughter.

I only give them a second to laugh in my face before I roughly grab Doug by his shirt and slam him against the wall.

They both stop laughing instantly. He looks at me with terror. That has definitely sobered him up.

"I'm gonna ask ye one more time Dougie…Have. Ye. Seen. Stephan." Texas looks at us wide-eyed. At least the girl has enough sense to not get involved.

"Yeah…yeah…I saw Declan and some other guy carrying him towards the woods, just a little while ago. He looked wasted, couldn't even stand up on his own."

I push him further into the wall. "Did you see the other guy…did you see who he was."

"No…I couldn't see his face. Can you let go of me now." I look down at my hands and realize that I still have a strong grip of him, probably crushing his ribs in the process.

He falls to the ground when I release him, looking increasingly pathetic, like a small child. I help him up and give him a good pat down.

"Good…good lad, now run along." No harm, no foul.

If I wasn't so hung up on Stephan, Doug could have made a good substitute.

As him and Texas shuffle their way out of my realm, I make my way towards the woods.

They have a pretty good start on me and I have no idea where I am going, not very good odds.

And I also realize that if Declan or this other guy is armed, I am no real opponent.

But I don't have time to go back and get a weapon. If they are only moments ahead of me there may still be time.

I consider calling Foxy and asking him to bring me a piece but I decide against it.

Foxy isn't a loyal alley. He will have no reservations about turning on me if it suits him.

I can't trust him and with Stephan involved, it is not a risk that I am not willing to take.

When I reach the lining of the woods, I begin to think about what got me here.

How…no matter what I seem to do, somehow Stephan always suffers.

I know that I should have just left him alone. Both of our lives would have been so much easier without each other but I couldn't, I tried.

It isn't as though he is innocent in all of this. Somehow, despite everything, he made me fall for him.

And now he expects me to just stand by while he risks his life. Doesn't he know I can't do that?

The first time I met him, I should have pushed down my want for him. I shouldn't have succumbed to my desires because it never ends well.

If I hadn't succumbed then maybe Danny Houston wouldn't _still_ haunt me in my dreams and maybe I wouldn't be preparing myself to kill again if I have to.

* * *

><p>It is deathly silent as I trek through the woods for any sign of Stephan. The only sign of life is the brisk wind silently stirring the trees and the sound of wildlife scurrying away at my intrusion.<p>

_A good place to murder someone. _

The thought of this causes me so much distress that I start to sprint frantically, further into the abyss.

I have no idea where I am going or what I am looking for.

Maybe a sign…a clue…any indication that I am going the right way.

I keep running, not knowing if I am getting closer or moving further away from him.

"Stephan…" I shout manically.

Fear is creeping into my thoughts and I can't help but feel terror at the thought of never seeing him again.

"Stephan…please…" My voice breaks.

"Please." When I am completely out of breath and seconds away from a mental breakdown, I fall to my knees.

It has been a while since I have prayed but I feel an overpowering need to.

I have always had a buried hatred for a God that would turn me gay, only to say that it was wrong to be so.

But in my desperation I find myself begging, pleading and making promises for his help.

_Please don't let anything happen to him._

_If you help me find in, I will change._

_I promise will be a better person._

_Just…please. Help me._

A sound in the distance catches my attention.

It is so slight that if I had been moving I probably wouldn't have heard it. I follow the sound and buried deep in the woods, I can just make out the outline of a small cottage.

I grip the cross around my neck.

_Thank you._

By no means am I any sort of detective but if I were going to hide someone, it would definitely be here. It is so discrete and out of the way, that I bet most people don't even know it's here.

There is no real sign of life coming from the house but I know instantly that Stephan is in there.

Call it intuition. Call it a connection that Stephan and I share with each other. Whatever it is, I just know.

My first instinct is to charge in guns blazing but if I don't play this right though, someone could get hurt and I can't risk that.

As I consider my options, I see someone leaving the house. It is too dark to make out his face but in the light of the moon, I can see that physically he is smaller than me. If I had to take him on, I probably could.

He walks through the trees disappearing into the woods.

There is a split-second when I consider following him but he is the least of my worries at the moment.

With him gone, that only leaves Declan.

I become light on my feet as I reach the house. I need the element of surprise.

The steps I take are so delicate that I begin to feel like I am in a dream. That soon I will wake up from this nightmare and Stephan will be lying next to me sleeping.

But that isn't reality.

Reality is here, now. Reality is that Stephan is in that house with a rapist and possibly a murderer.

I silently enter the house, careful not make a sound.

Straight away I hear Declan talking to someone. My initial thought is that there is someone else involved but as I round the corner, I see that he is talking on the phone, unaware of my presence.

I listen intently hoping for any usable information. "Listen mate, I think we need to make a move…if my dad notices Ste is gone soon, there is no telling what he will do." He is noticeably anxious, opening and closing cabinets, only to open them again. As he listens to his mate, I take in the layout of the house. It is probably one or two bedrooms, possibly with a basement.

_That is where Stephan will be._

"I know what you said but my dad isn't dumb he will..." He pauses briefly. "I think I heard something."

I press myself against the wall in the darkness, ready to attack.

He takes a few steps forward, peering around the dark room. He is about to head in my direction when the soft howling of the wind refocuses his attention. He walks back into the kitchen. "It was nothing just the wind."

He continues his conversation. "Yes, I have it…no I don't think Ste had any idea what was on it…"

I wait patiently ready to make my move, needing him to end his call first. "Yep I'm ready."

He finally finds what he's been looking for and pulls out a large cleaver from the cabinet, setting it on the table. "Found it."

_What the hell does he need that for? _

"So after I cut up the bodies, where should we bury them?" My heart tightens instantly. I clutch my chest, unable to breath.

The pain so is excruciating, it takes everything in me not to fall to my knees right there and then.

So that's it then…I'm too late.

_I'm too fucking late._

He's dead.

The pain I feel turns to rage in an instance and what happens next is beyond my control. My only thought now is retribution, an eye for an eye.

I charge towards Declan, unable to stop myself. He doesn't even have a chance to react. Both my hands involuntarily wrap around his neck and push him against the wall sharply. With all my strength I lift him off the ground.

I look him straight in the eyes. I want him to see me, to see that it was me who did this to him. His hands thrash hysterically grasping at mine, begging for air.

I feel nothing. When I look into my child's eyes, I feel nothing.

He took everything from me.

And now, I will take everything from him.

There is a voice inside that tells me to let go, it screams for me to stop. It resonates through my skin, causing my hairs to stand.

But my hands won't let me release him. They remain fixed around his neck, my nails digging sharply into his flesh.

"Why…" I scream, tears streaming down my cheeks, staining my face. "Why him?"

He continues to struggle against me, making one last attempt to save himself before his body begins to give in to his fate.

Although he fully aware, that he is only moments away from death, his eyes remain fixed on me. Begging me until the end.

In the distance, I hear Stephan calling my name.

It is so faint that I think I must be losing my mind. That maybe this is will be my punishment. Maybe Stephan will haunt me, always calling for me, reminding me that I was too late.

But when I hear him again, I snap back into reality.

My grip quickly loosens around Declan's neck and he slumps to the floor, lifeless, unmoving. I don't know if he is dead or alive. At this point I don't care.

My body moves swiftly towards his voice. I throw open doors searching madly, each one bringing me closer to him.

I call out to him name desperately.

"Brendan…" My heart thumps rapidly in my chest. Ready to explode, if I am not given the relief of seeing him again.

The last door I reach is padlocked. I use all the strength I have left to kick it open. As I descend down the stairs, it as if I am suddenly in slow motion.

Each step I take solidifies that Stephan is and always was the love of my life.

Why I spent so many years fighting it, I don't know.

This war I've been fighting for so long, has finally been won.

There is no need to try to deny it anymore. No need to struggle with it.

I never wanted this.

I never asked for this.

But I know that I can't stop it.

I know that I can't stop loving him.

When I reach the last step and see him, that is it, my fate is sealed.

I scoop him into my arms, pulling him against my chest unable to let him go. He sobs softly into my shirt, clinging to me. And I cling to him, terrified that if I let go he will slip away again.

His body trembles beneath me uncontrollably, scared and fragile.

"It's ok, yeh're ok now." I say soothingly, rubbing my hand up and down his back. He begins to relax at my touch and his sobs subside.

Still holding him closely, I survey the room. Tucked in the corner is Amy's small motionless body.

A sudden urgency to leave rises in me. I don't know if Declan survived my attack but what I do know is the other man could come back at any moment and I need Stephan and Amy to be safe before that happens.

I force myself to let go, instantly feeling the loss of him. "We have to get out of here." He nods, immediately pulling himself together.

I pick up Amy's lifeless body, holding her close. She is so little it is almost like carrying a child.

I creep up the stairs quietly, looking back at Stephan several times, needing his smile and his reassurance to keep me going.

When we reach the landing I hear muffled voices. I hand him Amy and with a finger to my lips, I gesture towards the door. "Run Stephan…don't stop running." I whisper.

"No…I'm not leaving without you."

I grab onto his arm, forcefully dragging him towards the door. Silent tears fall down his face. "No Brendan…"

I curl my hand around the back of his neck and pull him into a kiss. Sliding my tongue against his with such desperation and fervor that when we both pull away, we almost forget where we are.

I open the door swiftly and push him outside. "Go…" He hesitates for only a second, then runs and doesn't stop. When I see that he is gone I turn my attention back to the voices.

When I head back to the kitchen ready for a confrontation, I am surprised by who I see.

* * *

><p><strong>Please tell me what you think!<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey Everyone...sorry it took me so long to post. I had to figure out how I wanted to end this story and I think I found a pretty good way to do it. Although there are alot of parts in this story I wish I could change, it was my first attempt at fanfic and I think I did pretty good. Thank's too all of you who commented and I look forward to writing more stories. xx Cory**

* * *

><p><strong>Brendan's POV<strong>

When I round the corner it takes me a minute to register what is going on. I watch as a figure hovers over my son and instantly feel the need to grab him and pin him against the wall.

When I do though it is not who I think it should be.

"Ethan, what are ye doing here?"

"Get off me Brendan." He struggles against me. I realize that I practically have him lifted off the ground so I loosen my grip on his shirt. I don't let go though. I'm still trying to figure out what is happening.

I glance over to Declan, who is now fully alert and looking between the two of us.

He looks scared but at the same time a little relieved. As he looks between Ethan and I, I can see a look of confusion on his face but he doesn't say anything or move. He continues to sit on the ground where I left him only moments earlier.

Ethan grabs my hands and drags them off of him. "I am here to arrest him, Brendan."

"But how…" I am cut off.

"How did I know you were here, I've been following you." He smiles condescendingly.

"But why…?" I really hadn't a clue.

The last time I spoke to Ethan he tried to scare me into thinking he had some real evidence on me but it was clear that they were grasping at straws.

I mean they couldn't have really believe that I had anything to do with Amy's disappearance and certainly not enough to use their man-power to have me followed.

So why else would they follow me.

"Well we've had our eye on Declan for a while now and we knew you'd lead us too him."

I look over at Declan again his expression hasn't changed, his eyes continually darting back and forth. It's as if he's holding his breath, waiting for the explosion to happen.

I don't know why but something seems strange, maybe he's just in shock but he doesn't seem the least bit scared. Like he hasn't just gotten caught and isn't about to go away for a very long time.

I don't have time to think about it though as Ethan pushes past me and grabs Declan by his shirt. He pulls him to his feet putting his hands behind his back, cuffing them.

"Declan Brady, I'm arresting you on suspicion of kidnapping." My son's eyes widen in surprise, and I finally see a hint of fear in his eyes.

"You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense…" He is staring at me now, never wavering from my eyes. His gaze is unnerving. I feel like grabbing him around his neck again and slamming him on the floor, just so he will stop looking at me.

"…if you do not mention when questioned, something which you will later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence." As Ethan finishes his speech, a small smile emerges at the corners Declan's mouth.

No longer is there a look of shock or fear on his face, he almost looks pleased with himself, like he has gotten away with something.

As Ethan drags him outside to his car, he stops and turns back in my direction.

I take the last few steps meeting him. Maybe if he apologizes for this, tells me he's sorry and that he was coerced into this, then maybe I can eventually let go of what he did. Maybe if he shows some remorse, then maybe one day I can forgive him, he is my son after all.

I wait with anticipation as he leans into my ear and whispers, "We'll be seeing ye real soon, da'."

I take a few steps back, my face showing clear signs of my confusion. Obviously he's going to go down for this, I know it and he knows it, so why is his face telling me a different story.

When Ethan finally puts him in the car and shuts the door, I remember about the other man I saw leaving the house only moments early. "Ethan…there is someone else. He is still out there." He turns towards me.

"Well then you better get yourself home eh, he's probably a lot closer than you think." And with that Ethan steps behind the wheel of his car and drives away with my son. Leaving me standing alone in the pitch-black woods wondering…

_Is it really over?_

* * *

><p><strong>A few days later<strong>

It is another a few days until I am able to see Stephan properly again. I have ached for this moment, to be alone with him again but I knew that he has had other priorities.

I knock lightly on his door.

"Hi…" I say as he opens the door, watching as his cheeks redden under my scrutiny.

"Hi…" He says, looking down at his hands as they play nervously with his sleeves. We stand outside his flat in silence just staring at each other, awkwardly.

Finally he seems to break out of the trance we are in and moves out of the way to let me in.

I walk past him brushing against his arm in the process.

The current that runs through my body is immeasurable. I feel an overwhelming power to turn around and pounce, making him mine again but he has already closed the door and made his way back to the kitchen, busying himself needlessly.

I watch as he nervously washes the same dish over and over.

I can't tell if he is nervous about me being in such close proximity or if the reality of what he has just been through is just making him tense but it is seeping through his pores.

"How's Amy," I ask. He jumps a little as my voice cuts into his conscience, no doubt reminding him that I'm still standing there. He finally turns around, casting his gaze upon me.

"She good thanks, woke up today." I nod, listening to him, though I already know exactly how Amy is doing because while he has been non-stop by her bedside for the past 3 days, I have been by his.

Not that he knows. I never come during the day, figuring that an intrusion from me is the last thing he wants but at night when he is sleeping, I just sit and watch him, feeling comfort in knowing that I am there to protect him while the hospital corridors are quiet and empty.

I know that he would think I was being paranoid, what with Declan being arrested and this other man probably miles away by now but with everything that has happened I just have to be sure.

His words cut into my thoughts now. "I keep thinking about what could of happened if…" I prevent him from saying what I know he is about to say.

"No don't even think about that, Stephan." I don't want him to finish that sentence because I can't bear to think about what could have happened if I was even a few minutes late.

"When I heard Ethan and you, I knew I was safe…I just kept calling and calling until you finally saved me."

"I was so scared." I blurt out the words before I have a chance to stuff them back in. "The thought of never seeing ye again, it nearly killed me." And it did, it nearly killed me two years ago when he left me and then a few days ago when I thought he was gone forever.

After watching my son be carted away by Ethan, I suddenly felt a huge relief. I knew that eventually Declan would crack and give away his accomplice. I mean he's looking at life in prison; a lesser charge would be appealing to anyone.

But a part of me also knew that now that the threat is gone and Amy is back safe and sound, he might think that leaving again is the answer. That now that the threat is gone, there is nothing worth sticking around for.

"Stephan…" I need to know where he stands, where his mind is at but he doesn't stop what he is doing. He just continues to wash dishes.

I walk into the kitchen and lay my hand on his.

He hitches a breath, ceasing all movement. "Stephan…stop." I stand behind him my stomach against his back as he melts into me. "…just…stop." My heart beats faster.

No one has ever made me feel like he does, like my world is going to collapse. Like being near him, makes everything else fade away. Like every part of me was born to be his, to touch him, taste him, feel him.

I wrap my arms around him. His body begins to shake under mine. I hug him tighter, letting him silently weep in my arms, his exhaustion getting the better of him.

When the shaking subsides he turns around with my arms still wrapped around him tightly. "Why me…?"

"What do ye mean?"

"Why did you choose me?" I have to think about that question.

Logically the answer should have been because he had a nice arse and he was a good fuck but I know now that this, us goes way deeper than logic.

It's that dull aching feeling when he's not around. It's the cold sweats and a thumping heart when he is. It's the uncontrollable movement of my hands that have to touch him. It's the way I feel, like I can't breath when he's not around.

It's the way he makes me want to be better, want to try harder, to be someone he can love.

"Because I had to, I couldn't not," I say honestly.

He nods his head in agreement. I suppose, he must understand what I mean. Otherwise why would he stick around as long as he did.

"Stephan, I want to try again…please." I spit the words out before I have a chance to stop myself, regretting immediately giving him the power to break me.

He extricates himself from my arms and puts some distance between us. I know for sure that he's going to tell me to fuck off but he surprises me.

"I thought that leaving you, leaving this…" he looks around his flat, with sadness in his eyes. "I thought that by leaving, I could make a new start, put all this behind me but I realized that when I'm not with you I feel like I can't breathe." He heads back in my direction. "It's like you're the reason I breathe." He shakes his head almost laughing at what he probably thinks is ridiculous.

I close the distance between us bringing my hand to his cheek, watching as he closes his eyes, swallowing as I touch him. I run my fingers lightly through his hair, watching his mouth slowly parts giving me permission.

I bring my lips close to his, not touching and speak into his mouth, "I know what ye mean," before crashing my lips into his claiming him as mine again.

This kiss is frenzied and desperate and I don't want it to end because it feels so good. But eventually I have to pull back. I don't want a quick fuck or some mechanical act of sex that only means to satisfy our cravings.

Stephan is not that, he is…fuck…he's everything. I want him to feel my love through every touch, every kiss, every sound.

When I pull back he is left wide-eyed and panting from the sheer magnitude of that kiss. I too am finding it hard to breathe.

I run my hands down his back, stopping when they land on his bum. He gives me a cheeky smile pushing back against my hands. I can't help but smile. He is so beautiful when he's happy. Don't get me wrong he's hot as hell when he's angry too but there is something about seeing him smile that makes my heart race. Knowing that it is me making him smile like this.

I drag my hands lower picking up his legs and pulling him up so I am holding him.

He shrieks out of surprise but allows me to lift him. "Come on Brendan, let go of me."

I hug him tighter squeezing my arms around his back, nestling my face into his shoulder.

I rub my cheek against his until my mouth is to his ear. I whisper, "Never again Stephan, I won't ever let ye go again."

He seems to understand my meaning because at that point he stops struggling against me, instead running his finger across the back of my neck and into my hair. "I'm sorry…" my voice coming out thick and with emotion. Something I only feel when I'm with him.

He nods his head against me but that isn't enough. I lean back making sure that our eyes connect, watching as his pupils contract, the pools blue becoming prominent again.

"No Stephan…I'm sorry…for everything." He stares blankly at me and says nothing. I try to read his expression but he gives nothing away. A defense mechanism I'm sure he's learned from me to protect himself from pain.

He slowly frees himself from my grip and goes to the sink again. My little apology has clearly done more damage than I intended it to. He is no doubt remembering the hell that I put him through.

I watch as he takes an intake of air and lets it back out slowly. "Brendan, when I left, I vowed never to come back here. Even if it meant never seeing me kids again because I knew that if I didn't, one day you would destroy me."

"Stephan…I…I…never." I stammer for the appropriate words. But he soon cuts me off with his hand. I can feel the next part coming like a freight train headed right towards my heart…'I can't ever be with you again', 'I don't love you anymore', 'I'm leaving town.'

But it doesn't come.

I don't dare to look up because I know if I do he will ask me to leave and I can't bear the thought of never seeing him again.

I hear what sounds like muffled sobs coming from him and I think that he is crying again but when I finally do look up, it is a whole different story.

He is laughing, and not just a light chuckle or a small giggle but deep belly rolls of laughter. Tears springing from his eyes laughter, like he's just heard the funniest joke of his life.

I'm about to call the hospital and have him sanctioned because I am pretty sure that he has completely lost his mind. But as his laughter begins to subside he walks back up to me wrapping his arms around me neck.

I go with it though not saying a word because I want him, more than I've every wanted anything else in my life, I want him.

"It's madness innit it?" He say's.

"What is?"

"You and me, this…us"

"Stephan I…"

"After everything, after all you put me through…after all the bruises, broken bones, threats and all the tears I still can't let you go. I must be mad, completely mental because you've hurt me so badly Brendan and yet I let you in again and again."

"Stephan…"

"Maybe I'm brain damaged…maybe I'm a masochist." He is no longer paying me any attention. "I must have a death wish me, but god I lo…"

"STEPHAN," That gets his attention immediately. He looks almost frightened by my sudden outburst but I have to do this now or I won't get it out at all.

He continues to stare at me expectantly. Fuck. Now that he is looking at me with those big blue eyes, why are the words sticking in my throat now? I can say them in my head. I know, without a doubt that they are true, so why can't I just tell him?

I turn around so I'm not facing him anymore. Hoping to find the courage to just be honest with him. Remembering that I almost lost him once, that in a flash he could have been taken from me. I don't want to waste anymore of my life pretending.

"Brendan," I turn back around and he is right there next to me, with an encouraging smile on his face. Reminding me what it felt like to hear his voice again, when I heard him calling my name after thinking he was dead, thinking that they killed him.

That's when it hits me, like a ton of bricks smashing into my lungs. What he said earlier to me, his words knocking the wind out of me.

I grip onto his arms tightly. "When ye were in that basement whose voice did ye hear first, mine or Ethan's." I hold my breath.

"What…" he asks clearly confused.

"Whose voice Stephan?"

"Well I heard Ethan first...why?" A deep seeded terror starts to course through my body.

I start fumbling in my pocket for my phone.

"What's wrong Brendan?" I probably look like a madman but I just need conformation that what I'm thinking is totally bogus. That Stephan just got it wrong.

Finally grabbing my phone I call the precinct. "I need to speak to DC Scott."

"Sorry sir, DC Scott no longer works here, can I help you with something," the voice on the end says, clearly not hearing the panic in my voice.

"Since when?"

"He resigned last week, is there anything I can help you with." She asks again politely. I end the call without another word. I don't bother asking if my son is being held there, I don't need to because I already know that he's not.

He is not there because he was never under arrest.

He is not there because him and Ethan played me.

He is not there because I messed up.

A cold chill runs through my body and I get a terrible sense of realization, that Stephan will never be safe if he's here with me. Ethan must know that I was going to work this out eventually and he can't let me survive with that knowledge.

So when it eventually comes down to him or me, I have no doubt that he will always use Stephan as a weapon against me.

"Brendan, what's wrong, what did they say, where's Ethan?"

I don't answer him, I just head straight for his bedroom, grab his luggage and start packing up his belongings, thoughtlessly grabbing whatever clothes I can find in his tiny bedroom.

He stands there for a bit, watching me, looking confused, trying to register what is going on. "What's happened Brendan…what are you doing?" I don't answer, how can I? What would I say?

'What's happened, well Stephan, I just let a two rapists walk free, two rapists who were only minutes away from killing you and Amy. And what am I doing, I am getting you as far away from me as possible because knowing me will only ever ruin your life.'

Stephan cuts through me consciousness when I feel his hands grip mine, steadying them from shaking.

I lock my eyes with his and instantly feel a calmness wash over me. "Tell me what's happened."

"You have to leave now. It was Ethan…this whole time. He was the other man and now him and Declan are out there, waiting. You have to go away Stephan and never come back. If ye stay here ye will be a target."

"I'm not going anywhere Brendan. I've only just got Amy back and me kids. And no matter where I go, no matter what I do, I will always be a target because…" His voice trails off into the distance.

I wait for him to say what I know is coming next but he doesn't, his unspoken words hang thick in the air.

I muster up all the courage I have left and finish the sentence for him. "…because I love you."

* * *

><p><strong>6 Months Later<strong>

**Ste's POV**

"Ste…STE…did you pick up the Little Mermaid plates like I asked you to."

"Yes Amy…" I smile at my best friend who is frantically setting up our flat for a 7 year olds birthday party. You wouldn't know it now but thinking back to the state of her 6 months ago, Amy was at deaths door.

When she was in the hospital, the doctors told me that she was only hours away from death. That in addition to being severely dehydrated and malnourished, she had suffered a head wound.

Which I later found out was a result of her trying to fend off her attackers. They also told me that had she not been rescued when she was she would probably be dead.

But looking at her now, you wouldn't know it.

She is running around our flat setting up food and games but mostly she's bossing people around.

"Ste why haven't you put those up yet…I told you to do that 5 minutes ago." She waves her finger in the direction of some streamers that are sitting next to my _boyfriend_ who is fiddling on his blackberry.

"Oi…lazy ass you couldn't help me could you?" I say to my extremely handsome Irish boyfriend. I will never get used to saying that.

Since our talk 6 months ago, when Brendan told me he loved me, we have been happier than ever.

I suppose he doesn't look too happy right now putting up pink streamers for our Leah's party but he has really made an effort to be someone worth my love.

As much as it freaks him out, this whole gay thing (as he puts it), he says that he never wants to lose me again and if that means going out on dates and occasionally showing me affection in public, then he will do it. He will do whatever.

It took a while for him to be comfortable letting me on my own. The constant threat of Declan and Ethan out there somewhere played heavily on his mind.

I reminded him that everyone in Hollyoaks knows who they are now and they would be idiots to come back here. Even the police agreed, after searching high and low for weeks for them. They are convinced that they are long gone and will not be coming back here.

It took a little while but eventually we started living our lives again, happily.

"Oi…that's not straight." I say to my _boyfriend _who is now hanging up a banner that say's 'Happy Birthday, Princess Leah'. He grumbles incoherently and I can't help but stifle a laugh at his expense.

Hard man Brendan Brady being all domestic, who would have thought they'd ever see this day.

A knock at the door drags me away from Brendan who is still mumbling profanities.

I open the door and see a familiar face.

"Surprise…!" My month drops open. All chatter around the flat ceases and I feel two bodies come up behind me, to witness what I am witnessing.

Lee Hunter who has been missing for the better part of 7 months is standing at our door looking tan, well rested and very much alive.

"What the…where have…" I don't get to finish that sentence as a hand flies past my face to slap the face in front of me.

"Where the fuck have you been…everyone's been looking for you. We thought you were dead." Amy screams. Lee has the audacity to look flabbergasted, as if him being gone for 7 months was just a trip down to the price slice and back.

"Huh…didn't you get my email." No Lee, obviously she did not get your email.

I drag Brendan from the doorway, where there is about to be a big blow out fight and back into the kitchen, throwing my arms around him.

"Some things never change, eh?" He smiles at me, something he does a lot more lately.

"Yeah, but some things do." And I know what he means.

Two and a half years ago, if you asked me if Brendan Brady would ever be in my flat, holding me tightly, brushing his lips against mine, while Amy and Lee fight at the doorway, I would have laughed in your face.

But somehow, despite everything that has happened and all the danger that is still looming out there, Brendan has shown me that he can change and that he's worth it.

When I left, I vowed to never come back here, to never see Brendan again.

But in the end, I was just fooling myself.

I could never stay _gone_ forever.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

**Thanks again for reading!**


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